Live IT & Love IT

Meniere's scared me today. I went out canvassing for the election and had a drop attack within ten minutes of being out. Honestly… I am not safe to be let out! The hardest parts of it - the embarrassment and frustration. It resulted in cut hands, knees and ankle. I did carry on and finished but this afternoon I’ve been laid up. I feel like I have been in the ring with Anthony Joshua (what a brilliant fight last night, by the way). The blurred vision and sickness has subsided now but the brain fog has not lifted. I can’t move fast so laid up writing this with my eyes shut – yes, I have learned to type with my eyes shut! Quite an achievement. I have so much to do and know I have pushed myself too far which now means I have at least 24 hours of rest! It’s such a pain… in the you know where! I am determined I will campaign for a Labour Government led by Jeremy Corbyn but I may have to concede it is not quite safe enough for me to be let loose on the streets! If you follow this...

Bullying builds an artificial wall of isolation For a long time, I thought I needed someone with me to fix me. I realise what I needed was time to fix myself. When a child asks an adult for help against unfair treatment and injustice, you don’t expect to hear, “this is how all families behave.” I put off having my second child because I was afraid Wes would suffer the way I did.   Being alone and being ganged up on are the worst feelings in the world. I needed this single time to make sense of my past. I look at how close Wes and Lucas are now and how other families behave and know what I experienced was… just plain… wrong. Going it alone was a hard decision but the right decision. As Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.” I’ve stopped blaming myself for other people’s bad behaviour. I gave too much respect to the wrong people and didn’t respect myself enough to stop it until last year. I...

I have found it really tough this week. Money… or lack of it, Masters work, writing, Meniere’s, keeping the house going and looking after the boys is a tough ask for anyone. I wouldn’t have it any other way but some days I have this overwhelming feeling of the odds being so heavily stacked against me that I can’t continue. It is compounded by the anger I feel towards the people who psychologically abused me. It’s a never-ending battle of no longer wanting them to influence my life whilst trying to come to terms and get over the damage they did to my self-esteem and self-confidence. It is hard to explain how much damage is done by people telling you your gut instincts are ridiculously wrong when it turns out those instincts were perfectly right all along. It is a real art form for someone to lie to your face whilst doing what they categorically deny doing. This has a knock-on effect to all future relationships because you don’t know who you can trust. Manipulation is a te...

Well, it’s Mother’s Day in the UK.  If I’m honest, I just don’t get it. I am lucky enough to feel blessed everyday with the boys. I see this as another day of exploitation. I know… I’m a party pooper! But I do. What is it for... other than to make us feel pressured into spending money on one single day of the year on useless things as cards! Millions of pounds spent on items read once then, either discarded or kept in a cupboard never to see daylight again – not to mention the damage to the environment. I much prefer the boys to make me feel like a valued Mum every day and they do. There is no need for Mother’s Day here because every day I am a Mum and a very proud one at that. If you do celebrate the day, I hope it is all you expected it to be and more. Last night, Lucas was head chef and Wes the sous chef. They made me a fabulous meal - Fajitas. It was such a special moment, seeing them both work together and produce gorgeous food. I am truly blessed. It was an horre...

I've been struggling with The Nanny. The elements were not working well. I did what I learned from a great writer… I walked away from it. About an hour ago… it came to me. I had just sat down after making cookies with Lucas when a new character popped into my head. It was the missing link in the story. One extra sinister character and my cast is complete. Sometimes, walking away produces the best results. I'm in need of the day being extended to forty-eight hours! Okay I exaggerate but you get the picture. I am absolutely loving what I am doing – being Mumsy; writing; studying; research and being me. I don't think I have ever been this motivated or enjoyed my life as much as I do right now. I may not be perfect but I am trying… hehe… some would probably say "very trying!" I've been doing a lot of reflective thinking recently.  Thank you to the narcissists who plagued my life – they've given me some incredible material. Writing is most de...

Whether it be teaching our children equality and tolerance or taking direct action to change our and others' lives, all of us CAN change the world in our own way. I never had much encouragement to follow my dreams as a child. I gave up on them because I believed my peers! It is hard to stay motivated and swim against the tide. But… what I didn't understand then… I certainly do now. There was a culture back then of "how dare you want to better yourself." I now know so many suffer at the hands of their peers… "you can do well if you don't do better than me…" or "you should know your place…". How many of our children feel this? How many women feel and go through this? I know I am not alone. I didn't have the courage or support to follow my dreams and decided, with peer pressure and ignorance, to skip University and go into work – looking back, it was not a bad mistake…it was a bad choice. Still it turned me into the person I am tod...