Time to be bold…

Bullying builds an artificial wall of isolation

For a long time, I thought I needed someone with me to fix me. I realise what I needed was time to fix myself. When a child asks an adult for help against unfair treatment and injustice, you don’t expect to hear, “this is how all families behave.” I put off having my second child because I was afraid Wes would suffer the way I did.  Being alone and being ganged up on are the worst feelings in the world.

I needed this single time to make sense of my past. I look at how close Wes and Lucas are now and how other families behave and know what I experienced was… just plain… wrong. Going it alone was a hard decision but the right decision. As Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.” I’ve stopped blaming myself for other people’s bad behaviour. I gave too much respect to the wrong people and didn’t respect myself enough to stop it until last year. I naively thought if I gave more love, it would make them stop and love me back. Now I see the flaws in my logic!

I want people to understand they don’t have to put up with bad behaviour from ANYONE. Don’t accept what makes you miserable. In the last twelve months, the transformation has been incredible. Yes, I have confidence issues but I’ve forced myself out of the comfort zone – you can’t get much further than comfort than a Masters and writing! I have found an inner peace I never thought existed but most of all, I have forgiven myself for my naivety and misplaced loyalty.

My family’s time is now. The love and bond we have has strengthened hundred-fold in the last twelve months. We argue, debate, laugh and cry but fundamentally we have each other’s backs. That is priceless and all I ever wanted. The boys have taught me true, unconditional love. A new cycle has started and the future is amazingly exciting.

The hardest thing for me is opening up and telling my story. I simply don’t trust anyone. Why would I? I’ve had a lifetime of people using my “weaknesses” as sticks. Writing this is making me so anxious. However, I don’t want other people to suffer in silence.

Bullying builds an artificial wall of isolation. You don’t know who to trust but worse it has been drilled into you that no one will believe you! A lifetime of ‘you’re too sensitive’ takes its toll. I am teaching myself to build new relationships with genuinely, lovely people. In the words of one of my absolute heroes “it’s just like starting over”.

Pin your colours to the mast

I have had a bit criticism on social media this week over my outspoken political views. I want to make it clear – I AM A VERY PROUD SOCIALIST. NOW is the time to pin your colours to the mast.

This week I was devastated at the images coming from Syria BUT just as devastated with

the response from Trump! There is no independent, verified evidence that Assad used chemical weapons. You can’t possibly verify a horrific event in the space of hours. You can’t! Yet, I knew in my heart that the publicity overdrive in the UK was leading to intervention. You could see it playing out. From my point of view, Trump has made the area even more insecure. If it is found Assad did do it then action is required BUT dropping more bombs is not the answer. However, just think for one moment… what if it was not Assad. What if the perpertrators have more… Trump has just supported their endeavours to stabilise the regime. All they need to do is attack innocent victims with chemical weapons and know the US will come and weaken the regime again. It is time for grown-ups to sit around the table and thrash out a peaceful solution. But more importantly, it is time a universal ban was placed on the sale of chemicals to any war-torn region as well as tracing the financial transactions to stop funding hate and war. This is a grown up, humane response! We and the US certainly cannot take the moral high ground when we are selling bombs to the Saudis for their attacks on the Yemeni people. I am sick of the hypocrisy. A life is a life!

How much better would the world be if we scrapped all labels and referred to everyone as human beings. Every life matters not some more than others!

In terms of the UK, I am totally disgusted with the ongoing attacks on the disabled and people who have found themselves in tough times. I am a single mother and it is tough BUT I am not a scrounger. I am not in this position because I chose it! I am the one that did not desert my children because circumstances changed. People need to stop listening to the divisive crap being peddled and start to think logically for themselves. I have more in common with a Mum in Syria trying to keep her children safe, than I do with an elite politician who votes to take £30 per week off disabled people whilst taking a £76,000 basic salary! It is gross abuse of public office.

Okay… now breathe… LOL.

I am off now to York with Wes and Erin. Have a fabulous weekend.

Much love

Px