Live IT & Love IT

Yesterday was my birthday. I am one year younger than Sgt Peppers! It was an extraordinary day which started with waking up to two unexpected emails. The first was from a publishing company wanting to have a look at Beyond the Lies and another from a production company advising they would like to take a look at Streetwise. Both on the same day! On my birthday! If I’m honest I had to check they were legit! They are. At 11am I had a Master’s presentation that went really well. When I returned home I was lavished with love and gifts from the boys. What makes this year so special is they have done it all themselves. I have never felt so loved and appreciated. I am so, so blessed. Only Trump tainted the day with his ridiculous, narcissistic withdrawal from the Paris climate agreement – there is always one! We have one week to go to the General Election in the UK. To say I am proud of the Labour Party under Jeremy Corbyn would be the under-statement of the year! As much as ...

Meniere’s has taught me so much and completely transformed my life… for the good, the bad and the downright ugly. It lured me into a false sense of security, made me believe in some miracle cure... then wham… it struck! It’s like a volcano – lays dormant until it chooses to waken… then strikes with ferocity and anger, the eruption coming anytime, anywhere and usually when you least expect it or want it! A month on from my recent drop attack, I still feel like crap. It’s, once again, stripped me of all my self-confidence and if I didn’t force myself to leave the house, I would become a total recluse – not a bad idea when it’s not forced upon you! I ventured into University for a meeting with my Master’s supervisors. The feeling of the sun on my face was amazing but the speckles glistening on the floor of the food hall made me feel I was back on that ship in a force ten gale. It’s horrifying to feel the rug being pulled from under you! The meeting was good apart from sitti...

Time to pin your colours to the mast… for me… it is RED all the way for me!! Anyone who knows me, knows I love inspirational quotes and signs – not signs as in cosmic revelations (you know what I mean!) but placards around our home giving inspiration to the boys and me. This one I saw this week for a bargain price of 90p. It really captures the mood of the General Election, don’t you think? We have an obvious choice – continue with the status quo where only 1% of the population have the rewards on the back of the hard work of the 99% or we choose a peacekeeping statesman who wants to stand up for all of us. For so many years people have told me ‘they’re all the same’ and ‘why vote…nothing changes’. PEOPLE! If voting did not make a difference – they would have given it freely without a fight! PEOPLE!! The world does NOT have to be this way – we don’t have to: Fight wars Have children in poverty in 2017! Have ill people dying from inhumane sanctions ...

I’m all over the place at the minute. When I was diagnosed with Meniere’s Disease, the Consultant did tell me it was very early days and it would become progressively worse. That was fourteen years ago. There have been good and bad periods and recently, up to last week, I went through a great spell. I thought, by some miracle, I had been cured! Then last Sunday knocked me for six when I had a sudden drop attack. No warning, just bang! Totally out of the blue whilst out canvassing for the election. My confidence is at an all-time low again. I am scared to go out and have to force myself to do everyday things like shopping, schools run because I have to. I have no choice. I have help from Wes and Lucas and that is it. You see – people just don’t understand and I have not got the patience to sit and explain it repeatedly in the hope that the penny will finally drop. I am desperately trying to get well as I can’t afford to be ill both financially and physically. I have so much t...

Meniere's scared me today. I went out canvassing for the election and had a drop attack within ten minutes of being out. Honestly… I am not safe to be let out! The hardest parts of it - the embarrassment and frustration. It resulted in cut hands, knees and ankle. I did carry on and finished but this afternoon I’ve been laid up. I feel like I have been in the ring with Anthony Joshua (what a brilliant fight last night, by the way). The blurred vision and sickness has subsided now but the brain fog has not lifted. I can’t move fast so laid up writing this with my eyes shut – yes, I have learned to type with my eyes shut! Quite an achievement. I have so much to do and know I have pushed myself too far which now means I have at least 24 hours of rest! It’s such a pain… in the you know where! I am determined I will campaign for a Labour Government led by Jeremy Corbyn but I may have to concede it is not quite safe enough for me to be let loose on the streets! If you follow this...

Bullying builds an artificial wall of isolation For a long time, I thought I needed someone with me to fix me. I realise what I needed was time to fix myself. When a child asks an adult for help against unfair treatment and injustice, you don’t expect to hear, “this is how all families behave.” I put off having my second child because I was afraid Wes would suffer the way I did.   Being alone and being ganged up on are the worst feelings in the world. I needed this single time to make sense of my past. I look at how close Wes and Lucas are now and how other families behave and know what I experienced was… just plain… wrong. Going it alone was a hard decision but the right decision. As Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.” I’ve stopped blaming myself for other people’s bad behaviour. I gave too much respect to the wrong people and didn’t respect myself enough to stop it until last year. I...

I have found it really tough this week. Money… or lack of it, Masters work, writing, Meniere’s, keeping the house going and looking after the boys is a tough ask for anyone. I wouldn’t have it any other way but some days I have this overwhelming feeling of the odds being so heavily stacked against me that I can’t continue. It is compounded by the anger I feel towards the people who psychologically abused me. It’s a never-ending battle of no longer wanting them to influence my life whilst trying to come to terms and get over the damage they did to my self-esteem and self-confidence. It is hard to explain how much damage is done by people telling you your gut instincts are ridiculously wrong when it turns out those instincts were perfectly right all along. It is a real art form for someone to lie to your face whilst doing what they categorically deny doing. This has a knock-on effect to all future relationships because you don’t know who you can trust. Manipulation is a te...