Live IT & Love IT

2016 has been strange, appalling, a political nightmare yet exciting, enthralling and a foundation year for my gorgeous family. I've had a decade or so of coming to terms with Meniere's, handling the day to day symptoms while being undermined by people who I thought loved me as I loved them. All this on top of trying to keep going and forge a new career. I've very much felt like I have been swimming against the tide and getting caught in the rips. It's been a continual fight of who people want me to be and who I am.  In 2016, I won the battle. Whilst we lost people dear to us, Wes and I agree, 2016 has not been a bad year for us.  Lessons of 2016      1. You can't put a band aid on an open wound and expect it to heal. You must deal with the problem head on. Operation Freedom!      2. Value myself more. I've achieved so much in the last five years. I have raised two amazing human beings; taught myself...

I do what most Mum’s do, I play down my illness because I don’t want it to define who I am. I also think it is a way of deceiving myself -  it is not getting any worse or I will wake up and be miraculously cured! It’s difficult to explain Meniere’s to non- sufferers. There are so many associated symptoms, not just vertigo or drop attacks – I know there I go again ‘JUST’. The fullness feeling in my ears, the pressure on the back of my neck and the jaw aches drive me mad. Insanity comes though from the tinnitus and brain fog! Tinnitus Don’t ever take your silence for granted! I did and oh I wish I had it back now! Tinnitus therapy includes methods to block it out and some days I can but other days it is like having a swarm of annoying wasps in my head or an angry ocean stirred by a brutal storm! It’s there ALL THE BLOOMING TIME! – speaking, listening, reading, sleeping – ALL THE TIME. It’s so bad on some days, I can’t actually hear the words coming out of my ...

I am really struggling this week. I desperately want to leave my past behind me but I can’t do that without facing up to the s*** people put me through. I don’t want them inside my head or wasting any more of my precious time. I want to move on but anyone who has suffered psychological abuse or bullying will know it is easier said than done. I wrestle everyday with the ‘no I’m not letting them do it to me anymore’ to ‘I have to write about it to get it out of my head’ to ‘I can’t live with all of this anymore’. It affects my mood… constantly. I used to be extra nice to them, buy them presents and treats in the hope that one day my kindness would rub off on them – that they would love me!! Stupidity comes in many forms. It’s hard to explain to anyone who has not suffered in the hands of narcissists. I’ve decided the best way to handle it is to continue with my writing, Masters study and raising my family for now and when my Masters is over I am going to write a book about it a...

Life can be so frustrating at times. I know I’m on the cusp of breaking through in my new career BUT I’m penniless and broke at Christmas time again! Thankfully I have children who do not put pressure on me for the latest gadgets and designer clothes. In fact, Lucas told me he doesn’t want much for Christmas this year because he realises he has much more than most children will ever get. Bless him. My heart bursts of pride. He has a true socialist heart! He came out with me last Saturday on the national NHS campaign day. He absolutely loved it. It was a real moment for me… we chatted, laughed and spent some quality time together. He read the NHS leaflet from top to bottom and shook his head disapprovingly when I explained what the Government cuts had done. I love this little man to bits! Streetwise You may recall I told you I had submitted the script to the market. I received feedback this week and I could not be happier. It is so hard breaking into a new career especi...