I AM FREEEEEEE….
I haven’t posted in while. You know what they say… time
flies when you’re having fun… or is it just not enough time to achieve all I
want to achieve in this short life especially when I’ve wasted too much time on
the wrong people! It is so important for me the boys have the right guidance
which I never got!
Still, I’m glad I’ve found my own way even if the path has
been bumpy, hilly, curvy, led to dead ends and back again!
The last few weeks have been super hectic. I’m finishing my
dissertation, taking professional skills test in literacy and numeracy, sitting
a skills knowledge enhancement course in computer science, still writing and
most importantly of all, supporting the boys, especially Lucas who has had a
tough few weeks at the hands of adult bullies at school. Passive aggressive
behaviour is abhorrent! Thankfully, he has left there now and moving on to High
School. He is SO ready for it.
I feel guilty I cannot take them on holiday this summer but
they tell me they’re happier at home… chilling. They’re such great kids.
One thing my past has taught me is, bullying and stigma can
stay with you and affect your decisions throughout your life unless you
actually break the cycle. Breaking it is extremely tough and heart breaking at
times. It takes a special kind of strength but I really believe we all have it
in us and if we feel we can’t do it alone, we need to seek help. It really does
make an enormous difference to life – to decisions, to relationships and to self-confidence.
I’ve broken through so many barriers this year and broke
another one last night! I went to a concert on my own. It was an intimate
concert. In my twenties and thirties, I would go anywhere on my own but then
Meniere’s robbed me of my confidence. When the concert was announced I spent
the usual self- analysis of ridiculous “What if…” but ignored my own mind and
followed my heart. The fear is definitely worse than the event. It did feel
uncomfortable approaching the venue as if I had a huge sign above my head “single
Meniere’s Mum”! Once I was inside and at the stage… I bloody loved every minute
of it!
Paul Heaton and Jacqui Abbott are truly amazing artists who
have got better with age yet remained totally unchanged. Paul’s music has been
with me all my life – marriage, births, deaths and divorces. His music has been
the constant throughout all the ups and downs. He and the BareNaked Ladies are
my “go to” music when I need a pick me up – they are my comfort blanket!
It was the first time I had been to the Brudenell Social
Club – what a great venue and what great staff they have. Super impressed.
So, from losing everything to Meniere’s, I am about to
finish my Masters in IT, start a PGCE in Computer Science and I am finally free
from all the shackles of bullying and low self-esteem, to pursue my own hobbies
and interests. I am no longer afraid of what people think. I am no longer
imprisoned by the self-doubts. I am totally in control once more. I AM FREEEE.
Much love
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