Sunday, 14 January 2018
Enough is enough. Are we really regressing into the past world of segregation and inhumanity? I make no apology in saying that unless these attacks are directed at you, you do not personally know what it feels like.
My eldest son is mixed race. His Dad is British like me yet since Brexit, my son has suffered racism and a change in attitude towards him. I see it too when we are walking around the supermarket – the looks he gets, the disdain, the women who suddenly clutch their bags tighter, not to mention the under the breath comments. It is repulsive and disgusting and legitimised by world leaders and politicians. He tells me how it makes him feel but I can't imagine it, just as he can't imagine how demoralising it is for me to be treated with contempt because I am female. I don't want tokenism, I want fairness and equality based upon my experience and hard work just as my son wants to be treated as the good, British citizen that he is. His patriotism is far stronger than any one flying a flag on a Britain First march. He cares about this country and exercises his right to question the cruel, inequality of this Tory Government, not for him but for his fellow citizens.
Freedom of speech does not include allowing hate speech. I certainly feel that we are going backwards and if we do not get a grip of it, there will be irreversible damage. Equality is NOT political correctness. It is common decency and well, humanity.
If we really want to address inequality, we must stop treating people differently and sticking labels on each and everyone of us. Forget the information based on gender, race, sexual orientation, etc. We are ALL human beings. I have never approved of equal opportunity monitoring forms. They do not help equality, nor do they serve any purpose other than to provide statistical analysis for employers and Government agencies. Let's face it…in the current climate, it is more than likely, the information will be used to discriminate. Flouting equality laws has become the new norm legitimised by changes in the legal systems making it impossible for any legal redress due to the cuts in legal aid and spiralling tribunal fees. The changes in the legal system was no coincidence. The Tories have planned this divide and rule strategy, systematically singling out sections of our communities for derision and attack.
Then there is our "special relationship" partner. Trump is a racist and was a racist before he was elected. His popularity repulsed me and to have even socialists, telling me he was a better choice than the Democrats, only demonstrated how little regard some people have for equality. There is no excuse at all for racism, bigotry and misogyny yet, during both Brexit and the USA presidential campaign, they were not only brushed off, they were actively incorporated into the campaigns. This is not ignorance, this is a calculated act of pure evil. Have we forgotten what our previous generations fought for? The fact that Trump made his "shithole" comments then could dishonour Martin Luther King just shows how ignorant we are becoming. This ignorance MUST be stamped out NOW. We must use our voices to educate our children and make sure they understand the struggles of the past do not become their new fights of the future. We need to arm future generations with the tools to promote true equality, to eradicate the world of labels, categories and types. We are ALL human beings.
Now, more than ever, anyone who truly believes in equality, should be fighting together to stop any attempts of Governments and world leaders to try and divide our communities based upon gender, ethnicity, religious beliefs and sexual preferences.
DO NOT STAND BY… STAND TOGETHER
Wednesday, 10 January 2018
June 2018 sees me hitting my half a century! I may look it, but I don’t feel it… well some days I may! If I think about it, it scares me because I still have so much to achieve. That’s what happens when you start late but better late than never. It drives me on even more to ensure I achieve my goals, be healthy and happy and make the boys proud of me.
This year I am going to be kinder to myself. I have not had a break in fifteen years, so I am going to pursue some of my own interests while the boys are doing their thing. The first on the list is a trip to Bletchley Park. I am a little excited… NO… I am in giddy child mode! It’s been on my list to do for a long, long time.
A good friend of mine, without them even knowing it, has really helped me to put the past to bed. No more looking backwards, only forwards. I am so grateful for their friendship and glad they are in my life. They inspire me to keep going.
One thing I do suffer from is self-doubt. I had originally set a 2018 goal to overcome it, but I am not even going to try. Self-doubt is my driver. It drives me to be the best I can be in anything I go for. It got me a first-class honours degree, a publishing deal and a Distinction in my Masters. I may tweak it a bit, but I need it to drive me forward.
The symptoms are getting worse as predicted but I can manage them, once I get on top of them. The stormy weather is a real problem for me, as is stress. Both are terrible triggers. The latter I can try and control but even I can’t change the weather. I live with this daily and some days just controlling the symptoms and pain takes all my energy and resolve. Even the Doctors have started to ask me for advice on managing the symptoms.
On the good days, I intend to make the most of every second. Wes laughs when I say this because even on the bad days, I force myself to do the jobs that need doing even if it results in me falling over, which is does… often.
I am revising this again! I am not releasing any work until I am 100% happy with it, however long it takes.
This is my project to start in 2018… a lifelong ambition to change a small part of the world in my own way. The boys are really excited I am doing this. I am currently working on the proposal. I am impatient to complete it but must understand Meniere’s will slow me down some days but never stop me.
Oh! Jeremy Corbyn
It is time we joined together and stood up for true British values. I will be working to get rid of this cold, callous government. I hope you will join me too.
Right, no rest for the wicked. Back to the research. My goals won’t achieve themselves. Whatever you decide to do in 2018 – love what you do and be kind!
Sunday, 24 December 2017
No matter how many times I say, “that is it. I’m going to be more selfish, treat people as they treat me…” it doesn’t work. I can’t do it.
I have fought my entire life to NOT confirm to the “I’m alright Jack” society. I am proud, although exhausted, to have brought the boys up to think critically about the world, to not be afraid to question things and to stand up for their own beliefs. Swimming against the tide is shattering and demoralising at times. It is easy to conform.
There is a consequence to living life with humility, humanity, love, hope and decency… you will be judged, ridiculed and will, without doubt, get hurt, usually by cold hearted, selfish and manipulative people. BUT each encounter with that type of person, makes you stronger and more resilient. A survivor.
I am a fighter and which, at time I am exhausted, I will never give up hope for a better world for everyone. I want to eradicate poverty, inhumanity and inequality. Now I am proud to be totally aligned with a man, Jeremy Corbyn who advocates the fundamental principles of my life. For the first time, it feels good to be a misfit!!
Christmas is a weird time of year for me. I let the boys decide how we celebrate it. Theychose no Christmas lunch, pyjamas, family games and chilling. Well, they never did buy into the whole falsehoods of a commercial Christmas. As a Mum, you do feel guilty for not providing the “traditions” but us Mum’s are good at feeling guilty when there really is no need. People will judge anyone who does not follow the “norm”. Anyone who knows us, knows we are far from “normal”, although my son has always maintained we are the “normal” ones.
Whatever you decide to do, have a safe and spectacular Christmas. I’m off to the pub shortly to eat and play pool with the boys. To simply enjoy their company.
Let hope, equality and humanity spread quickly. 2018 is life changing…for everyone.
I intend to start my PhD and be proactive in making a change to help all our children. It is my small part to play. Imagine what we could achieve if each and everyone of us made one slight change for this world.
Tuesday, 12 December 2017
The biggest lesson I learned from dealing with bullies and narcissists, was to ensure the boys could always talk about their feelings and tell me if they had any worries, including if I was doing something wrong that was distressing them. I consciously put a full support mechanism in place without them even knowing it. As soon as they could talk, I openly asked them daily how they were feeling, had they any worries, had they had any problems if they were not with me. It became a habit they fell into and part of our automatic routine.
The sweetest thing I ever experienced was Wes coming home from school when Lucas was about two or three years old and Lucas asking Wes if he had any problems today? Did he want to talk about them? So cute but proved the technique was really working. Honestly, my heart almost burst with pride.
Nowadays, we all open and honest with each other… brutal at times! It is something outsiders rarely understand but it works for us and I know the boys will not bottle anything up or suffer in silence like I did. Moreover, they will take this skill onto the next generations of our family. The important lesson for all of us is to watch the words we use with our children. It may seem funny to pick them up if they dropped 1% in a Maths test but to them it could be the difference between self confidence or self-deprecation. These comments have a greater impact than you think.
I am not in line for a parent of the year award but I know the boys are happy! What’s more I don’t care if people fail to understand my parent techniques. It's always interesting that the most criticism comes from those who have not had children and those whose children have grown up with little integrity.
Sounds good, doesn’t it? Yes, I did it. I passed with Distinction. It was, without doubt, the hardest project I have ever embarked upon, but I am so proud of myself and the sense of achievement is immense.
I have several projects on the go but focusing on editing existing work to get it into publishing. Watch this space… now I am back again.
What a pain in the backside!! It has raised its ugly head again! I am struggling to get it under control but, by goodness, I will. I have too much to do to let this monster in.
It is almost Christmas again. I am looking forward to spending time with my precious family.
I started this blog to promote my writing and motivate people who, like me, had their livesIt is time for a revamp for 2018. Lucas has come up with an amazing title and we will be putting it in place for January. You will be able to access the new blog at www.pamcharles.com and select blog. 2018 is full of positivity and lots of exciting new projects.
Have a lovely Christmas and kick ass out of 2018
Friday, 15 September 2017
It's such an old fashioned, ignorant term that invokes so much anger in me. I have been accused of putting my boys first… YES… shock horror… Mother puts her children first! Like that is a terrible thing! Maybe if some parents had put their children first, they could have taught them how to respect themselves and more importantly, respect everyone in society especially women.
Let me break down my parenting style into very simple terms. I do, very much, consciously, put my boys and their needs first and foremost, over everything. That is my job! I brought them into this world, I am responsible for making them good citizens and I sure as hell am responsible for their physical and mental wellbeing. I am also the best person to teach them how to treat everyone with respect and equality, that starts by ensuring they have the right values for themselves.
People can criticise me all they want… go ahead, have a pop! I look at the boys with immense pride and realise both can listen to understand not just reply; the ability to think critically; the ability to empathise and the ability to treat everyone, including themselves, with respect and equality.
I asked Lucas if he ever felt I favoured Wes over him with him being the youngest and my past experiences. Bless him, he laughed at me, told me not to be so silly and that he loved we were all equal, with equal say over decisions. Job part done!! Let's face it… and I am going to blow my own trumpet here… I have set my boys up to be decent human beings. If that makes them Mummy's boys… I take it and own it. I'll certainly take it over selfish misogynists any day!
Right, now I have that off my chest… I started my PGCE this week and finished my Masters. As usual I am panicking over my Masters result… because that is what I do!! I was going to take a break from studying after my PGCE but I can feel a PhD coming on! Whilst writing and teaching part time. Yes, I really do believe I am super woman now! (That is a joke before you quote me!)
For too long, I lived within the shackles of society – you must do this, you must do that and
you must do it this way or you're a freak. Guess
what? I am a freak! I do things my way because I believe in me and my family.
If I get it wrong, I own up, change and adapt but never criticise others for
choosing a different path. Remember it is YOUR life… live it YOUR way!
One more thing… never stop learning… it scares the hell out of some people!
Have a fabulous weekend. We are coming into autumn – my favourite season!