Sunday, 14 May 2017

PEOPLE! Use your VOTE… it is your voice!

Time to pin your colours to the mast… for me… it is RED all the way for me!!

Anyone who knows me, knows I love inspirational quotes and signs – not signs as in cosmic revelations (you know what I mean!) but placards around our home giving inspiration to the boys and me.

This one I saw this week for a bargain price of 90p. It really captures the mood of the General Election, don’t you think?

We have an obvious choice – continue with the status quo where only 1% of the population have the rewards on the back of the hard work of the 99% or we choose a peacekeeping statesman who wants to stand up for all of us. For so many years people have told me ‘they’re all the same’ and ‘why vote…nothing changes’.

PEOPLE! If voting did not make a difference – they would have given it freely without a fight!

PEOPLE!! The world does NOT have to be this way – we don’t have to:

  • Fight wars

  • Have children in poverty in 2017!

  • Have ill people dying from inhumane sanctions

  • Have schools where parents pay for essential equipment

  • Have women prove they were raped

  • Have essential services – fire, police and NHS on their knees

  • Have infrastructure not fit for purpose

  • Have corporations exploiting workers and avoiding paying tax! We can’t, why should they?

AND we certainly do NOT need the return of barbaric fox hunting!!

This week’s cyber-attack has been a bit of a “I told you so” moment. I have been banging on about the real risk of cyber terrorism and it has fallen on deaf ears. The fact that Trident is controlled by computers and so are our national grid and water services, should make everyone very nervous indeed!

Labour all the way

I am immensely proud of the Labour manifesto. Every announcement this week has given me goose bumps. There is real hope for the future. Progressive policies, sensible costings, peace and prosperity for all but do you know what I love the most? IT’S COMPASSION.

Tackling loneliness, homelessness, job insecurity, providing lifelong learning – my struggle after losing my job through Meniere’s would have been much easier!!

Patriotism is not waving a flag, attacking people from different countries or cultures or singing a national anthem. Patriotism is paying your taxes, treating every citizen with dignity and providing an environment where everyone can make their contribution.

Meniere’s is preventing me from canvassing this time but I’ll do everything I can to give my children and everyone hope for their futures – Jeremy has handed hope to all of us. Grab it with both hands. Really…what do you have to lose?

IT’S NOW OVER TO US. We do have incredible power in our hands… if we use it wisely.

Steps to change our country:
  1. Register to vote here - deadline 22 May 2017.
  2. Read what is on offer – don’t rely on the media – don’t let them lie or hoodwink you!
Do NOT lose your voice and if you don’t vote… don’t moan!
Jeremy Corbyn’s Labour is giving this country hope. If Brexit was taking back control… this Labour manifesto takes it back and hands it to each one of us. How exciting is that?

Choose wisely my friends

Why can’t people be nice?

Why do people want to play me? I just don’t get it. Yesterday, a girl who has totally ignored me and written some inaccurate stuff about me, based on someone else’s lies, wanted to befriend me. I am guarded due to past experiences especially when she’s already said she doesn’t want to get to know me. Being a budding MI5 agent (I wish!!). I did some digging. To be fair it was not that hard. People who play games tend to give themselves away on social media. I may be naively trusting but I am not stupid. Research is a wonderful gift.

Meniere’s has taught me life is way too short to put up with silly girls and silly games.

The world is a tough place and there are so many issues we can concentrate our efforts on. Small minded people play games – caring and trusting people make the world a much better place for EVERYONE!

It is always acceptable for you to say NO to being treated badly! Remember that! I wish I had learned that years ago. You don’t have to suffer to be polite! Stuff that. If they can’t treat you well, don’t have them in your lives! You deserve to be treated so much better than that.

It’s my birthday soon and the boys have bought me an early birthday present. I’m not sure Theresa May will approve!! It’s great isn’t it!

Right, I’m off to do the ironing. This afternoon we are at a children’s birthday party…well Lucas is. I may have to try and find a TV screen for the Liverpool game or F1. Have a lovely day and week.

Much Love

Wednesday, 10 May 2017

Meniere’s Madness

I’m all over the place at the minute. When I was diagnosed with Meniere’s Disease, the Consultant did tell me it was very early days and it would become progressively worse. That was fourteen years ago. There have been good and bad periods and recently, up to last week, I went through a great spell. I thought, by some miracle, I had been cured! Then last Sunday knocked me for six when I had a sudden drop attack. No warning, just bang! Totally out of the blue whilst out canvassing for the election.

My confidence is at an all-time low again. I am scared to go out and have to force myself to do everyday things like shopping, schools run because I have to. I have no choice. I have help from Wes and Lucas and that is it. You see – people just don’t understand and I have not got the patience to sit and explain it repeatedly in the hope that the penny will finally drop.

I am desperately trying to get well as I can’t afford to be ill both financially and physically. I have so much to do. For now, I have had to slow down which is impacting on my Master’s degree and my future plans. The bright side is the doctors have finally conceded to run further tests and do a CT scan. I may even get the chance to change from the awful Consultant I have. Every cloud has a silver lining!! For now, I have to sit back and let the world pass me by. Today I feel like I’m on a ship in a rough storm, tomorrow it could be a gentle sway. Who knows?

The frustration of not being able to campaign in this election, complete my Masters assignments and spend time in the sun with my boys is overwhelming at times. I hate it! Don’t ever take your health for granted or spend time on insignificant, trivial matters. Live life to the full – everyday!

I’m typing most of this with my eyes shut and occasionally open them to see red and blue lines across the page! Need more practice but wish I didn’t have to.

The writing is on hold this week too
It's SATs week for Lucas. I am have been so impressed with him and the school who have gone out of their way to ensure no pressure has been placed on the children. They even sent a small survival pack out to all the children - very clever :

I am so proud of Jeremy Corbyn and the Labour Party. It is one of the hardest challenges in
life to stick your head above everyone else and stay true to your principles. Now, those principles of fairness and equality we share, are being debated and called out. It is refreshing to have people on my side for once.

Source UK Labour
Things cannot go on the way they are but I fear people will not see the potential in Labour’s policies and vote for a woman who has consistently lied throughout her time in Cameron’s Government and as Prime Minister. As a proud, intelligent Yorkshire lass, I find it deeply insulting the Conservatives think by replacing their name with “Theresa’s Team” us up north will be hoodwinked into supporting her. A sheep in wolf’s clothing!

Going forward, the Labour Party and the trade unions need to establish a policy and research centre to focus on future educational and job requirements, preferably set up in Leeds (hint! hint!).

Much love

Sunday, 30 April 2017

A Corbyn loving dizzy human!

Meniere's scared me today. I went out canvassing for the election and had a drop attack within ten minutes of being out. Honestly… I am not safe to be let out! The hardest parts of it - the embarrassment and frustration. It resulted in cut hands, knees and ankle. I did carry on and finished but this afternoon I’ve been laid up. I feel like I have been in the ring with Anthony Joshua (what a brilliant fight last night, by the way). The blurred vision and sickness has subsided now but the brain fog has not lifted. I can’t move fast so laid up writing this with my eyes shut – yes, I have learned to type with my eyes shut! Quite an achievement.
I have so much to do and know I have pushed myself too far which now means I have at least 24 hours of rest! It’s such a pain… in the you know where!

I am determined I will campaign for a Labour Government led by Jeremy Corbyn but I may have to concede it is not quite safe enough for me to be let loose on the streets! If you follow this blog you will know I have never been shy in sharing my socialist beliefs. I don’t buy into the selfish “I’m alright Jack” attitude and I don’t believe the majority of human beings do either. 
Jeremy Corbyn is a decent, hardworking man full of honesty and integrity. If you want a “normal, rehearsed and groomed” MP he is not your man. I am sick of hearing soundbites and pre- written spin doctor rhetoric. It is time for a change. I want to hear sincerity, from the heart. It is time for a man who is not afraid to stand by his principles and cannot be bought! Equality and justice runs through his veins. Listen to his speeches – it is not “me” or “I” – it is we and us! We can do this people. Please do not stand by and watch people suffer – homelessness, poverty and disability discrimination and harassment. Please do not stand by and watch the national debt rise whilst public services are starved of cash. Have you ever wondered where the money has really gone? Jeremy Corbyn has already changed the course of history. People are now asking questions and engaged in the debate. The Tories thought they could ride rough shot over everyone…they can think again! Personally, I don’t see how anyone with a heart can turn their back on the most vulnerable in our society – helping others and being a community are true British values.
Last night I attended Richard Burgon’s campaign launch with the formidable Dennis Skinner. Thirty-three years ago, during the miner’s strike, I first listened to Dennis speak in Barnsley. He blew me away then and has not changed one single bit. An incredible socialist and thoroughly wonderful human being. It was Richard’s uncle, Colin who took me to that first meeting. I have a lot to thank him for.  

Just remember it is tough standing against the crowd but absolutely necessary to stand by the truth

This week, I’ve been working on a new plan for a screenplay along with trying to finish five… yes five Master’s papers. I can say without doubt the Masters has been the hardest project I have undertaken but strangely I am the happiest I have ever been. I do love a challenge but maybe need to accept I am only a dizzy human.

That is all I can manage today. Have a great bank holiday (UK) and don’t stop following your dreams. HOPE is what we all have and it’s not taxed or banned… yet!

Much love

Saturday, 8 April 2017

Time to be bold…

Bullying builds an artificial wall of isolation

For a long time, I thought I needed someone with me to fix me. I realise what I needed was time to fix myself. When a child asks an adult for help against unfair treatment and injustice, you don’t expect to hear, “this is how all families behave.” I put off having my second child because I was afraid Wes would suffer the way I did.  Being alone and being ganged up on are the worst feelings in the world.

I needed this single time to make sense of my past. I look at how close Wes and Lucas are now and how other families behave and know what I experienced was… just plain… wrong. Going it alone was a hard decision but the right decision. As Einstein said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.” I’ve stopped blaming myself for other people’s bad behaviour. I gave too much respect to the wrong people and didn’t respect myself enough to stop it until last year. I naively thought if I gave more love, it would make them stop and love me back. Now I see the flaws in my logic!

I want people to understand they don’t have to put up with bad behaviour from ANYONE. Don’t accept what makes you miserable. In the last twelve months, the transformation has been incredible. Yes, I have confidence issues but I’ve forced myself out of the comfort zone – you can’t get much further than comfort than a Masters and writing! I have found an inner peace I never thought existed but most of all, I have forgiven myself for my naivety and misplaced loyalty.

My family’s time is now. The love and bond we have has strengthened hundred-fold in the last twelve months. We argue, debate, laugh and cry but fundamentally we have each other’s backs. That is priceless and all I ever wanted. The boys have taught me true, unconditional love. A new cycle has started and the future is amazingly exciting.

The hardest thing for me is opening up and telling my story. I simply don’t trust anyone. Why would I? I’ve had a lifetime of people using my “weaknesses” as sticks. Writing this is making me so anxious. However, I don’t want other people to suffer in silence.

Bullying builds an artificial wall of isolation. You don’t know who to trust but worse it has been drilled into you that no one will believe you! A lifetime of ‘you’re too sensitive’ takes its toll. I am teaching myself to build new relationships with genuinely, lovely people. In the words of one of my absolute heroes “it’s just like starting over”.

Pin your colours to the mast

I have had a bit criticism on social media this week over my outspoken political views. I want to make it clear – I AM A VERY PROUD SOCIALIST. NOW is the time to pin your colours to the mast.

This week I was devastated at the images coming from Syria BUT just as devastated with
the response from Trump! There is no independent, verified evidence that Assad used chemical weapons. You can’t possibly verify a horrific event in the space of hours. You can’t! Yet, I knew in my heart that the publicity overdrive in the UK was leading to intervention. You could see it playing out. From my point of view, Trump has made the area even more insecure. If it is found Assad did do it then action is required BUT dropping more bombs is not the answer. However, just think for one moment… what if it was not Assad. What if the perpertrators have more… Trump has just supported their endeavours to stabilise the regime. All they need to do is attack innocent victims with chemical weapons and know the US will come and weaken the regime again. It is time for grown-ups to sit around the table and thrash out a peaceful solution. But more importantly, it is time a universal ban was placed on the sale of chemicals to any war-torn region as well as tracing the financial transactions to stop funding hate and war. This is a grown up, humane response! We and the US certainly cannot take the moral high ground when we are selling bombs to the Saudis for their attacks on the Yemeni people. I am sick of the hypocrisy. A life is a life!

How much better would the world be if we scrapped all labels and referred to everyone as human beings. Every life matters not some more than others!

In terms of the UK, I am totally disgusted with the ongoing attacks on the disabled and people who have found themselves in tough times. I am a single mother and it is tough BUT I am not a scrounger. I am not in this position because I chose it! I am the one that did not desert my children because circumstances changed. People need to stop listening to the divisive crap being peddled and start to think logically for themselves. I have more in common with a Mum in Syria trying to keep her children safe, than I do with an elite politician who votes to take £30 per week off disabled people whilst taking a £76,000 basic salary! It is gross abuse of public office.

Okay… now breathe… LOL.

I am off now to York with Wes and Erin. Have a fabulous weekend.

Much love


Wednesday, 5 April 2017

I’m doing fine now… most of the time.

I have found it really tough this week. Money… or lack of it, Masters work, writing, Meniere’s, keeping the house going and looking after the boys is a tough ask for anyone. I wouldn’t have it any other way but some days I have this overwhelming feeling of the odds being so heavily stacked against me that I can’t continue. It is compounded by the anger I feel towards the people who psychologically abused me. It’s a never-ending battle of no longer wanting them to influence my life whilst trying to come to terms and get over the damage they did to my self-esteem and self-confidence. It is hard to explain how much damage is done by people telling you your gut instincts are ridiculously wrong when it turns out those instincts were perfectly right all along. It is a real art form for someone to lie to your face whilst doing what they categorically deny doing. This has a knock-on effect to all future relationships because you don’t know who you can trust. Manipulation is a terrible human trait. I am on the mend but accept it is going to take a lot longer than I anticipated to get over all of this. I need to give myself a break. My stubbornness and my drive to ensure the boys are proud of their Mum will not allow me to give up.

Kicking all negativity out of your life, does give you clarity. I don’t think I would have analysed and accepted the pain of my past without putting my foot down and stopping the circle of abuse. I certainly would not have been able to do a Master’s degree and write the way I am now. Nor would I have had the relationship I have with the boys. We are stronger and closer than ever. We all have peace in our lives and we enjoy each other’s company. Everything is natural and calm.

From my boys
I have five Masters papers to write before the 13th May so a meltdown this week was not ideal. I do pick my moments! I am only human… I think I’ll have this printed in huge letters above my bed so I remind myself of it every morning. I do believe the only way you can recover is to hit the problems head on… what I was not prepared for was the realisation of the impact of my past hitting me square in the face, some days more than others. However, to those bullies… up yours!! We are doing fine!
I am so thankful I have Wes and Lucas. Wes is so strong and able to calmly discuss this with me. It is so important to have someone to talk to who understands the pain. Today is much better. I still have brain fog and feel a bit like I’m only just returning to my body. Nevertheless, I have done lots of research and sorted out all the urgent tasks. I will not give up and I will not let my past define me. To anyone struggling now… talk to someone. Don’t suffer in silence and you don’t have to accept a situation that causes you distress. This is your life… yours.

I’ve made mistakes, I’ve trusted the wrong people but I have two fabulous boys, a brain that works… most days and the drive to prove to myself I can succeed. I can and I will one task, one day at a time.

I have so much to be thankful for and so much to look forward to. Spring has sprung!

I’m off to do more research on agile governance and IT. Wish me luck… and thank you, for your support and generosity.

Much love

Sunday, 26 March 2017

Hope, unity, peace & kindness will prevail

Well, it’s Mother’s Day in the UK.  If I’m honest, I just don’t get it. I am lucky enough to feel blessed everyday with the boys. I see this as another day of exploitation. I know… I’m a party pooper! But I do. What is it for... other than to make us feel pressured into spending money on one single day of the year on useless things as cards! Millions of pounds spent on items read once then, either discarded or kept in a cupboard never to see daylight again – not to mention the damage to the environment.

I much prefer the boys to make me feel like a valued Mum every day and they do. There is no need for Mother’s Day here because every day I am a Mum and a very proud one at that. If you do celebrate the day, I hope it is all you expected it to be and more.

Last night, Lucas was head chef and Wes the sous chef. They made me a fabulous meal - Fajitas. It was such a special moment, seeing them both work together and produce gorgeous food. I am truly blessed.
It was an horrendous week last week. The attacks in Westminster brought home the horrors of this world, more so for me was the Mum who had finished work and was going to pick up her children. My boys rely on me and the thought of not being there… BUT we do have to remember all that is
Credit : Unknown
good too. The acts of bravery and selflessness of all the people who helped the victims last Wednesday and every other atrocity. As we celebrated Red Nose Day on Friday, Lucas’ Head made a fabulous speech that summed up exactly how I feel. Whilst these acts of violence are tragic and appalling, there is an awful lot of good in this world. Remember that please. The media go overboard on their analysis and hypotheses of atrocities but very little is said about the wonders of the world and the human race.
Hope, unity, peace and kindness should always prevail – exactly the reason why I back Jeremy Corbyn. We share the same values. I look at every single one of us as human beings trying to survive in a world made tougher by selfish individuals capitalising on peoples’ fears. I include some politicians in this! Let’s not let them…eh? Let’s be the ones who say, “enough is enough”. Not just to terrorism but to State terrorism... to illegal wars and invasions!
On a personal level, I did have a wobble last week. It is tough starting out on a new path but even more so when you have an illness as unpredictable as Meniere’s. I felt like giving up on Friday – why bother? I had a good cry and a moan to Wes… he is a superstar. He reminded me of why I am putting myself through the Masters and the cut throat business of writing.

Today, I feel stronger than ever… maybe hitting rock bottom from time to time, makes us stronger and more willing to continue the fight. I don’t have a choice… I am not the type of person to give up especially when I know the long-term effects of the Masters and my writing will take us much further than giving in and getting “a proper job” which is unattainable with an unpredictable illness. In the words of Chumbawumba "I get knocked down but I get up again... you're never going to keep me down..."

This weekend, the Formula one season started and I am feeling the effects of the 5am starts! I am so excited Ferrari won the first race but I'll reserve my full celebrations until later in the season. Still, it was great to hear the Italian national anthem on a Sunday morning. #ForzaFerrari
The fight goes on…
Much love

Sunday, 19 March 2017

Writing is right for me…

I've been struggling with The Nanny. The elements were not working well. I did what I learned from a great writer… I walked away from it. About an hour ago… it came to me. I had just sat down after making cookies with Lucas when a new character popped into my head. It was the missing link in the story. One extra sinister character and my cast is complete. Sometimes, walking away produces the best results.

I'm in need of the day being extended to forty-eight hours! Okay I exaggerate but you get the picture. I am absolutely loving what I am doing – being Mumsy; writing; studying; research and being me. I don't think I have ever been this motivated or enjoyed my life as much as I do right now. I may not be perfect but I am trying… hehe… some would probably say "very trying!"

I've been doing a lot of reflective thinking recently.  Thank you to the narcissists who plagued my life – they've given me some incredible material. Writing is most definitely, the best therapy.

The Nanny

Now I have the final piece of the jigsaw, I am editing the Treatment and the Beatsheet. Then, the script writing can begin... again.

Hidden Torment

The outline is completed, as is the character list. For me, the hardest part is naming the characters. The next step is to write the beat sheet including a rough outline of the scenes.

Logline: Dirty secrets damage innocent lives.

Master's Degree

I don't know if I've mentioned this before, my Master's degree is in Information Technology. I don't like to admit it… I'm a geek! My undergraduate degree was in Business Information Systems including strategic management of IT, systems analysis and programming – javascript, PHP, Mysql, etc. The shock on peoples' faces when I tell them is quite extraordinary and a little annoying! People love to stereotype, especially single mothers!

The Master's degree has reignited my passion for research and discovery. My dissertation is investigating ways to deliver a modern and flexible ICT curriculum in secondary schools to engage more young people in ICT. 

I admit, it is very tough… much tougher than I expected.  I love the challenge. I am determined I can work my way out of the mess Meniere's put me in. NO PAIN…NO GAIN! This is a personal fight, one I WILL WIN! 

I am blooming loving every bit of it! It is even easier knowing I have the boy's full support. I won't lie… it is exhausting and some days I think "why am I doing this?" Those moments are becoming less and less and disappear when I look at the boys. They motivate me. I must be doing something right… distinctions across all modules so far. 

The more I have to do, the more I get done, yet I still have time to enjoy being a Mum and relax. No idle hands here nor time to worry what other people think. The self- doubt has even subsided. I am on a roll… in the right direction and totally in control.

Right, I'm off to do some more creating… one more week until the start of the F1 season. Forza Ferrari!!! It's been a long, not so lonely winter! 

Have a productive week… most of all HAVE FUN… the world needs more smiles.
Much love