Monday 26 October 2020

If you're not angry and ashamed ... you are part of the problem

 I wrote this blog post in 2015 https://beyondthepast13.blogspot.com/.../all-i-can-say...

BUT this current shower of Tories take conscious callousness to a whole new level with an opposition that is too weak to take them on!
On the day (Friday) they issue a mandatory online learning option to schools, the Department of Education send an email reducing each schools free laptop allocations. One of our local schools needed 160+, they were allocated 63 initially then told Friday night - the start of half term - this would be reduced to just 13!! How on earth can teachers allocate these fairly? This is putting more pressure on teaching staff who are doing an amazing job. They are being forced to work even in Tier 3 restrictions!
The Govt has given £112million to a company (two contracts) Computacenter whose founder's wife gave £100,000 to the Conservative Party. https://schoolsweek.co.uk/96m-laptop-contracts-went-to.../
WE SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED!! The level of corruption during this pandemic is astounding and the Tories have the nerve to say Labour are capitalising from it!
Our most vulnerable children are being starved and are not being given the tools to learn. This is NOT levelling up! It makes me so angry and distraught. I am fortunate in that , in spite of our personal circumstances, we are managing. I can also understand when people are NOT self isolating. How can they if they are being told feeding their kids is their responsibility in a pandemic!!
I can not do much over the next two years as I have to finish my PhD - ironically I am trying to improve the chances of all children receiving computing education.
Once I have completed it, I fully intend to take on this corrupt political system, the one that demonised the one politician who wanted to tackle corruption and poverty head on! I am angry and you should be TOO!

Stay safe everyone

Pam

Wednesday 5 August 2020

Vestibular Migraine - not "just a headache"

Unless you suffer from an illness you never really appreciate how debilitating it is, and I include doctors in this. I remember discussing with my GP the symptoms I was suffering from and her telling me “you don’t feel that way with Meniere’s”, only to find when I discussed these issues with fellow sufferers, many of them suffered the same symptoms and their consultants had confirmed these were part and parcel of the illness.

 

Meniere’s Disease and Vestibular Migraine are misunderstood and can devastate peoples’ lives to differing degrees. It is very difficult to explain to people what they are and when you do, people zone out or comment “I get dizzy sometimes” or “it’s just a headache. Go to bed and take some pills.” It's right up there with "well, you don't look ill!!!"

 

I thought I would give you an insight of one of my Vestibular Migraine attacks. Stress, salt and rapid changes in air pressure are my biggest triggers although others can include sensory overload, shopping centres and crowded places are a nightmare. I am currently in the third day of my latest attack.

 

Day One

I woke up with what I call, a sober hangover. The aching starts at the back of my head, behind my ears. The tinnitus becomes louder and my hearing very patchy. The irritability starts because I can’t hear everything people are saying, and my ears become full and super sensitive to the point I want to scream “shut the f*ck up!”

 

The aching spreads down my neck into my shoulder and chest and when I try and move the room spins, yet sitting still, the walls feel as though they are closing in.

 

After a few hours of this and feeling sick, I have a very weird sensation in my eyes. They feel blurry yet light seems ultra-bright, painfully bright. That’s when I notice the sickness the most. Even remembering to breathe requires effort and energy I don’t really have.

 

Bedtime is difficult. Getting comfortable is a nightmare, I need to find a part of my head that does not hurt when I lay down. I cannot move too fast otherwise the room spins.  When I close my eyes, I have the sensation that things are moving around in the darkness, increasing the sickly feeling … a bit like watching a scary movie when the actor is moving through pitch black rooms … why don’t they put the blooming light on? 

 

Three to five hours sleep is a good night!

 

Day Two

Waking up, I dread to think how the day is going to pan out. It feels like I have been in the ring with Mike Tyson. My whole-body aches and it’s as if the brain signals are not getting through to my limbs … a bit like when CP30 malfunctions! But … the pain in the neck and head is overwhelming. Even my chest aches today as well as my fingers! 

Just getting dressed is a challenge and very tiring especially trying to stop the shaking but I won’t be defeated and stay in bed even though it is scary and depressing. 

 

By lunchtime, I couldn’t bear sitting on the sofa any longer. I had tried reading and writing but no focus and couldn’t cut through the brain fog. I baked. Probably, from a health and safety point of view, it was not the wisest move, but I positioned everything well and minimised any sudden movements. I need to accomplish something even on my worst days. I was sweating buckets and shaking after I finished but I did it. I feel better if I keep going, a defiant act! By the evening though, the pain had extended to my jaw and nose. I was back to feeling like a Zombie. Flickering eyes, very hot panicky feeling. Breathe!

 

It is bedtime again and I dread it but it’s a vicious cycle. If I don’t rest, the illness will not subside. This alien life form needs putting back in its hole after it has drained me of life. Once sleeping, the nightmares are disturbing. Last night, I was looking for Bobby (my dog) in the street I have not lived in over 20 years. I stumbled across a factory, in the next street, that was experimenting on humans and dogs! Bobby returned home bleeding! Scary!!!

 

Day three (today)

I woke up really anxious, barely being able to breathe. The tinnitus screaming through my head. I lay there thinking “is today going to go back to normal.” It made me laugh as there is nothing in my life that is normal, even on good days! 

 

I gingerly moved. Nope … not quite there but improving. My vision is still blurry, my ears feel full and fit to burst, my jaw aches and my limbs, whilst functioning, are aching. The house feels like a ship on the ocean. There is a clamping feeling pressing on each side of my head. Sickness is the order of the day!

 

Adding pressure on myself, I really need to work on my PhD. One skill I have developed since developing this illness is typing with my eyes closed. 

 

In the early days, I used to panic, the anxiety would consume me. The boys were so young and needed me to be fighting fit. I felt guilty I was not! I still suffer from anxiety, but it is manageable most of the time. There are days I want to give up and days when I just sit and cry from frustration, but I have learned to really appreciate the “good” days and not feel guilty at resting when appropriate.

 

The lockdown has meant I don’t have to worry about being out and dealing with the noise, the lighting, the sensory overload and asking people to repeat themselves. 

 

For me, by far the worst feeling is being in the room but not feeling present, like an out of body experience. A George Bailey moment of looking in but not being there. It causes me the greatest anxiety as I look at people and wonder if they know what I am feeling, and they are judging me. The tinnitus has the same effect. When it is really loud, I am second guessing whether the words coming out of my mouth are actually making sense at all. Makes me feel people will judge me as being a useless orator or communicator. Sometimes silence is a better option but equally as frustrating!

 

Every attack brings some very strange side effects. One of them is smelling and tasting a particular type of food without it even being present. For example, fish and chips. I can smell and taste them so even my cup of tea tastes of fish and chips!! The human body is weird and wonderful in equal measure.

 

Maintaining a sense of humour is an important coping mechanism for me. I try to stay positive, some days I am successful, others I am totally miserable! But always honest! There is no respite … a constant, never ending cycle of trying to stay well and manage the good and bad days. It is a full time job in addition to life!

 

I am sickly exhausted again now. It is only 11am! I hope this has given an insight and provides some comfort to fellow sufferers. Love to hear from you and how you manage your illness.

 

Stay Safe

Sunday 28 June 2020

Be the change ...

As you probably know by now, I am exploring a new pedagogy for computing in secondary schools, looking at the possibility of an online system encapsulating online exams, testing and teaching performance in one system. It is a passion of mine as I believe EVERY child deserves the opportunity to learn computing skills. At present, under the new computing curriculum if a student does not select computer science for their GCSE, after the age of 14, in some schools, they receive NO computing or digital skills training at all. This will result in a huge skills gap and skills deficit in the future.

 If you can indulge me a little, I would like to explain my background and how this became a passion and my mission in life. I was born in East Leeds, a deprived area of the city. My father was a bus driver, my mother a full time stay at home Mum. I was a mistake and for my whole life, my mother and sister made sure I knew I was and did everything they could to prevent me from having and pursuing my dreams.

I have always been fascinated with NASA and space travel, probably the idea of escaping! So, in the 1980s, when computing was initially introduced into school, I was devastated when I was told, I was not smart enough to study the subject. Back then, it was solely programming, I was also told I was too smart to sit RSA Typing, both skills I ended up teaching myself in a twenty-year career in Insurance Broking.

When I passed my A Levels, I had the opportunity to go to university and would have been the first to attend but, I am ashamed to say, I let my mother and sister talk me out of it and wear me down, making me believe I would never be good enough. The only option I had was to go out to work.

Thankfully, I had a very successful career in insurance broking for twenty years and then was hit by a mystery illness. It took three years for me to receive a diagnosis for Meniere’s Disease and a further ten years for Vestibular Migraine. During this time, I lost everything – my job, my home, my marriage, my subsequent relationship and my income. I used my savings, sold my clothes, missed meals to feed, clothe, educate and single-handedly raise my two amazing children.

I could have given in and believe me, there were times when I wanted to, but I am a fighter! So, in 2008 I embarked on a degree in Business Information Systems and whilst working part time, managing my illness and raising my children, I managed to achieve a first-class honours degree. After graduating, I wrote and published two fiction novels, but it is difficult to promote anything when you have no money to do so.

In 2017, I graduated with a distinction as Master of Science in Information Technology. My eldest son also graduated with a BA in Sports and Social Science.

I was written off … twice! Firstly, by my narcissistic relatives then by Meniere’s and Vestibular Migraine. Education has taught me that the system is not set up to help people like from with my background or from communities like mine. You have to fight the system every step of the way and that is not right. It is a huge mountain to climb. So I am studying my PhD for many reasons but the overriding reason is to provide social justice to the children who are being cast aside as deemed as “not smart enough”; for those children who have parents who don’t care or want to hold them back and for those people with disabilities and single parents that are derided by our politicians. Yes, I class myself as a misfit and have a far from normal life. BUT the world needs misfits in order to question and put the wrongs right in our society.

The personal cost is huge. There is no scholarship available as, as a single Mum with an illness, I need to study at the closest University to home. I do have the student finance, but this is £25,000 over 4 years. The fees alone are take up the majority of this, leaving with about £40 per week for three of us to live on. We are literally living hand to mouth, my children have not had a holiday in years and doing it without a scholarship means I have to miss out seminars, conferences and additional resources but I am determined to smash every barrier to deliver for the young people of this country. I am just a single Mum, with a horribly unpredictable illness trying to help young people.

We don’t need politicians to effect change. REAL change comes through caring enough to want to be part of that change.

Best wishes


Friday 4 October 2019

I am not useless… I am ill … doesn’t everyone deserve the chance to thrive not merely survive?



I am not useless… I am ill and alone fighting in a world that is not made for people like me.


I am putting this out here today, not because I want sympathy or solutions but because I want people to know that unless you are part of the Tory elite, having public (OUR) money thrown at you, the struggle to improve your life is being made virtually impossible by this rancid, elitist Government.

I worked in the insurance industry for twenty years from leaving school. I worked damned hard, very long hours and earned my promotions. I was on an excellent salary (less than the men but still…), I worked by way up to management level – had a company car, private health insurance, great pension and prospects.

Then, I fell ill. Suddenly overnight I had dizziness, ear pain and none of my thoughts were clear, some days I could not even finish a sentence. Now I know this is brain fog! Countless trips to the GP and all I ever got was “oh it’s Labyrinthitis and here is a sick note. Come back if it’s not cleared up.” This went on for over a year. I lost my job and my career on top of not knowing what was wrong with me. I thought this period was the darkest, but I would be wrong!

After nearly 3 years of going backwards and forwards to the GP, I turned up one day and was totally at my wits end. I saw a locum GP whose own mother suffered from Menieres Disease. I described what I had been through and she immediately referred me to a Consultant. Finally, after 3 and half years of worry, I was diagnosed with Menieres Disease. I remember the day very well… the relief of knowing what was wrong with me, although I had no idea what it was or how my life would change!

Over the years, I have learned so much about this unpredictable monster and have, at times, been asked by GPs what I think is the best treatment… as they put it “you probably know more about the disease than we do”.

Once I got over the shock of the illness, losing the career I loved and having to readjust to my “new” life, I decided it was not going to hold me back. Financially it did. I had always wanted to write a book, so I did, two in fact and I am still writing today but it does not pay the bills. It may one day but not at the moment!

I decided, the best way out of this mess was to go to University. I graduated with a 1st class honours degree in 2011 that is when I wrote my book and had the first published in 2014. In 2017, I graduated with a Distinction in a Masters in Information Technology as well as writing my books. Life was going okay, we were getting by, mainly thanks to the understanding and cooperation of my boys.

During my Masters, I started to feel ill again, more than the usual brain fog, fullness in my ears and dizziness. After another eight months of wrangling with the GP, I finally “won” a brain scan and another Consultant appointment. After all the tests, I was diagnosed with Vestibular Migraine on top of Menieres Disease. I left hospital thinking, this is not good, but I can manage; I had done it before.

I got through my Masters and knew that in only four more years, I would achieve my goal of re-training and be able to start earning again. Studying gave me my independence but I could still cope with the illness. I had found my purpose – research! I wanted to do a PhD, looking at computing in secondary schools and how we could enable all children to access the skills they would need in the future workforce. Leeds Beckett University has literally been my saviour through this transition.

I claimed as little as possible from the State even though I had contributed to the system. I never claimed for my disability as it was hard enough to get GPs to understand it… imagine having to explain to an admin clerk at the DWP! We managed to survive (and I mean literally just survive) on housing benefit, tax credit and child maintenance. The boys have been super supportive. We soldiered on. I rested when I needed to and worked twice as hard when I could.

I have always had a strong work ethic and wanted to work through the illness BUT industry is not suited for people with invisible, unpredictable illnesses. There is no sentiment in business – I learned that the hard way – no empathy or humanity either!
Re-training was my only option.

After progressing onto year 2 of my study and feeling great with how it is going, yesterday I was stripped of my housing benefit, because… wait for it… my son dared to pass his degree and start working.  YES… you heard that right. He is now expected to pay 100% rent because he had the audacity to work hard. Not 50% of the rent, 100% !!

Yet again, my dignity stripped. My twenty years of top contributions insignificant. SECOND year into my PhD, and today, I feel like I did the day my illness stripped me of my livelihood, my independence and my dignity.

I feel worthless! I can’t support my children. I am not even sure whether I can continue my PhD. No one is disputing my son should contribute to our home, in fact, he would not have it any other way BUT 100%??? The irony is if he lost his job, he would not be able to claim housing benefit as he is under 25. And before anyone says it… I am not asking other taxpayers to pay for my rent while I study. I am asking for the assistance from a system I contributed to. The insurance policy I paid into, which has effectively handed me a massive F*** you! If it was a private insurance company, I could complain to the Ombudsman or the Financial Conduct Authority!

The rug has, yet again, been pulled from under my feet. For what? All I am trying to do is get back on my feet – difficult enough with Menieres! I don’t want to give in to the illness. I don’t want to sit at home and watch my life fade away. I WANT TO WORK. I WANT TO THRIVE and I want a career. Yes, I must readjust but I am NOT USELESS… I am ILL!
Yet today, through no actions of my own I feel utterly and totally beaten. Not by my own failures, not by this horrible menace of an illness but by a system we are told is designed to support us, help us, lift us and enable us to achieve “social mobility”. I feel a failure, a crap Mum! I am mentally exhausted, scared and dejected.

By trying to better the life chances of my family, my health is at risk – not from over work but from financial pressure being forced on me by suited elites who sip champagne paid for by OUR money, the cost of a bottle could feed my family for a week. MY contributions for MY safety net being squandered by people who do not value life. It is not politics of envy but politics of survival.

My study I am trying to do, I hope, will help millions of kids who want to succeed in life but are being held back by those in power. The perception being sold to the electorate does not bear any resemblance to the reality of everyday life for millions of us. Please spare a thought for every human being …the ill, the homeless, our children… doesn’t everyone deserve the chance to thrive not merely survive?

 

Friday 26 October 2018

My PhD motivation...

Hello all,

Meniere's Disease




I have not blogged in a while. Been busy trying to resolve additional health issues 
which has now been diagnosed as acute Migraine in addition to the Meniere's disease. I have finally got to grips with new medication and ready to fight again. It is frustrating to be stopped in your tracks by such an unpredictable monster but you have to roll with it. 


PhD Study


I am really excited to start my PhD in Computer Science. It has been a labour of love for so long. I graduated from my MSc in Information and Technology last year. This has been a long term goal of mine. 

I have always had a keen interest in politics, social justice and equality. I believe education is a basic human right and should be provided by the state, free at the point of use, for individual and societal development and growth, not just economic growth. It certainly should not be subject or held hostage by GDP growth.

Sadly, the pursuit of a neo-liberal agenda has resulted in a shrinking of the state in England. The UK Government, from 2010, used the 2008 financial crisis as an excuse to implement an ideologically driven austerity programme. This included reducing spending on education and opening the education public sector to further competition, including a programme of privately financed academies and free schools. These policies were sold on the basis they were providing greater parental choice, although admission policies were restrictive in some cases as these new schools could set their own policies.  This was alongside an agenda of fixing a "broken society", placing blame on schools and home life for increasing crime, unemployment of young people and low skilled workforce. Again, education was being used as a political football to the detriment of another generation.

Draconian disciplinary policies, over testing and shrinking budgets have led to the choice of subject study diminishing. This is even more apparent in Computing/ ICT/ Computer Science.

My interest in Computing in schools stems back to when I was fifteen years old. I have always been fascinated with NASA and space travel. So, when computers were introduced to our school, I was devastated when I was told, I was not smart enough to study computing. Back then, it was solely programming. I was also told I was too smart to sit GCE RSA Typing, both skills I came to need in my job as an Insurance Broker!

After my twenty-year career in Insurance Broking, including, ironically, being project manager for the computerisation of an entire insurance brokerage, I studied an undergraduate degree in Business Information Systems. In 2011, I graduated with a first-class honours degree and winner of the McGraw Hill award for best results on a computing course.

During my study at university, my eldest son was at High School. At home, he had enjoyed working on html coding with me but absolutely hated ICT at school. Upon investigation, his ICT project was simply copying and pasting a magazine into Adobe Fireworks and adding comments to the text. Hardly inspiring! I started to investigate ICT in schools and discovered, particularly in my son's case, ICT was being delivered by a Design teacher who had no experience or qualifications in computing or ICT.

The UK Government in 2014 acknowledged ICT and Computing in schools was a mess. Their announcement for change looked promising but the agenda was not to provide young people with an inspiring subject. It was to further pursue a free market agenda, with a back drop of austerity measures. It was frustrating and infuriating to see another wasted opportunity to improve the skills and potential of our young people. Again, education had been hijacked for ideological reasons. Schools were being forced to offer new curricula without any investment in infrastructure, hardware, software and suitably trained staff, all within shrinking budgets and pressure to improve performance in core, traditional subjects.

The austerity measures resulted in some schools providing a skeleton, narrow curricula based upon absolute minimum required to maintain performance level indicators. Computing/Computer Science learning is now sporadic across the country. ICT has been phased out resulting in a huge cohort of students leaving school with limited or no computing skills.

In 2017, I studied a MSc in Information and Technology. My dissertation investigated, "Can Computer Science in secondary schools benefit from agile governance and agile delivery of a modular based curricula?"

Some of the key skills, Michael Gove highlighted as reasons to change the curricula, such as critical thinking, problem solving, creativity and collaboration, directly contradict their overall education policy of strict discipline, uniformity and test-based learning.

Problems I have identified during my MSc study and since then, speaking to teachers in various schools, located in various counties across England, include:

1.    Teachers are demoralised and frustrated

2.    Teachers with no experience or related qualifications are being expected to deliver the new curricula.

3.    Some schools do not have the financial capacity to offer Computer Science

4.    Some schools feel their cohorts do not have the capacity to learn and pass the examinations.

5.    The pass threshold of the new GCSE is 35%, some teachers claim this is so low to ensure a pass but does not provide the standards required by industry.

6.    Monitoring and performance exclude/stifles creativity.

7.    Lack of interest from students and schools not actively selling the subject.

8.    Prevention of free thinking

9.    Lack of training for staff and the increasing workloads, mean a reluctance to attend training.

10.  Conflicting messages given to student around the use of their own technology.

11.  Decentralised education has resulted in sporadic teaching… academics, free schools and public schools do not have to follow the national curriculum.

12.  Some staff are hostile to the changes as they discriminate against a proportion of the students, in particular, SEND.

13.  The changes and how they have been implemented, have not solved issues, they have created more.

14.  Heavily weighted towards programming has resulted in little consideration given to design and other skills required.

15.  Private sector material is costly and school budgets cannot meet the costs.

16.  No regulation of private sector material

Economic and political policy has driven education policy for too many years. It has led to an inequality in provision and left generations falling behind in terms of career prospects. Computing has been addressed and successfully applied in primary schools and universities, but secondary schools have seen a half-hearted attempt to resolve the issues. Provision is disjointed, and the changes are incapable of being delivered effectively within traditional methods and pedagogy.

I believe a whole new approach is long overdue, especially at the crucial stage of examinations. Our young people and future generations deserve much better. I am on a mission to:

1.    Give Computing/ Computer Science parity of esteem with Mathematics and English

2.    To make the subject accessible to all

3.    To provide a new pedagogy to ensure the full potential of this subject is achieved.


Our little family...


has extended... we now have Bobby, a Portuguese Water Dog. He has completed our little family and I have bored by social media friends to death with pictures and videos... why should you escape it.

Just look at that face...






Beyond the Past and Beyond the Lies

Both books can be purchased through the website and are available in paperback or Kindle. 


































































































































































































































































Short but sweet. I have lots of work to do and a puppy to train. Have a wonderful and safe weekend... follow your dreams












Friday 3 August 2018

GUILTY!



I would employ anyone who has the strength to survive the daily challenges of a disability or illness!

A confession: I'm a bit of a bugger for hiding how I feel and hiding the Meniere's disease. I do really try not to hide it, but it is hard to break a habit of a lifetime. I think it comes from living with years of ridicule and being around people who jump on your every weakness, failure and mistakes using them as sticks to beat you with. It's given me second thoughts about sharing the illness and its effects. However, it adds more stress by trying to hide it. Plus, why should I? It is part of me, not by choice but it is here, ever present and becoming more of a menace every single day.

As well as personal insecurities, the hostile environment towards people with disabilities and invisible illnesses, created by this inhumane Tory Government, makes it almost a taboo subject again. We have travelled back to the dark ages where anyone who is not "normal" should be hidden away. Bulls*it!! Sorry, but it is. I'm not having self-serving politicians who, let's face it, the majority of which have never had to struggle for one day of their lives, tell me I'm on the scrap heap, a burden to society, a scrounger! I have an illness I have no control over! I did not ask for it. It is NOT a lifestyle choice. I paid my taxes, very high taxes during a very long career before Meniere's.

I work hard. I don't do a "normal" job not because I do not want to. I do it because I'm seen
Daily symptoms
as unemployable by ignorant, unscrupulous capitalists. My illness is so unpredictable; I can't even commit to one hour let alone a day, month or year. I need to regulate how and when I work. Does that make me less of a person or less of a contributor to society? Why am I constantly being made to feel guilty?

My boys totally understand how this illness works… they live with it everyday too. They muck in when needs be; let me sleep when I need to and have hugs and cuddles on hand when it is tough. I've felt guilty bringing them up, worried they would see me as a failure – thankfully they see past the illness and see I am very much a fighter, a warrior and someone who will never give up, no matter how tough it gets. This world may not be set up to cater for people like me, but I'm sure as hell going to fight to make it so.

I saw the Consultant on Tuesday and discovered, whilst my hearing has not deteriorated, I have developed severe Migraine on top of the Meniere's Disease. I've got the stage where I do not really care what it is called, I just want to be able to live a reasonable life. The worst part of Meniere's is not being able to plan anything or having to cancel short notice. I was
not sure whether I would make my Masters (MSc) graduation. The day before I was totally off my feet. The ground was moving; the room spinning. Even on the morning of the graduation, I was not sure what to do. I forced myself to go… had to ditch the new wedged heels for flatties! But, we went, and I was so proud to have my boys with me.

I also had to cancel an over ambitious trip to London and accept there are limitations to what I can do. Instead, I went to
Emily's desk
Haworth to celebrate Emily Bronte's 200th birthday. 


Wuthering Heights has a very special place in my journey. In 2011, on Boxing Day I finished reading it again and started to have a go at writing myself. I wrote for three days before my family asked me what I was doing. The new chapter of my life began (pun very much intended).





Author stuff

Talking of books, if you follow me on social media, you will have been bombarded with details of my new website and my latest release.

New Website

I've totally re-written my website. I keep adding to it, but it works, and I love it. See what you think here.

Beyond the Past



It is hard to believe this was released in 2014 and is still being bought today, with a new 5* review only this week.











Beyond the Lies





This was finally released in June 2018. This time, I self published using Lulu.com via Publish Nation. I would highly recommend their very professional service especially, if you're like me and like to have a say in everything – I know, you wouldn't guess this, would you? LOL.

I have created my own promotional videos too. These can be checked out on my own YouTube channel – check me out!!

In between marketing, I am writing my new novel. 


PhD Study

The next chapter starts in October with my PhD. This is a very personal target. I have really pushed myself this far and intend to continue for the next four years. I may not be able to commit to campaigning in politics, but I can contribute by, hopefully, helping young people to maximise their computer science skills ready for the changing world. Well, that is my aim.

I am incredibly lucky to have the flexibility to rest and sleep when I need to and work when I am well, whether this be at 6am, 9pm, 3am. One huge lesson I learned from Meniere's is, time is incredibly precious. Every good minute should not be wasted. I refuse to let anyone tell me I am not a valuable member of society.

I'm truly blessed with wonderful boys and wonderful friends who have all taken the time to try and understand my illness and my flaws. One of the kindest people I have ever met, asked me "how can someone help whilst you're suffering your symptoms?" It is the most sympathetic and supportive anyone has been without being patronising. Surprisingly, no one has ever asked me this before.

My response, "just be there with love and hugs".

Please be kind. Do not buy into the hostile environment, don't judge and support people. I refuse to be made to feel guilty because I am different; I refuse to feel guilty because I have Meniere's Disease and I refuse to feel guilty because this world cannot accommodate me. I am guilty of being a stubborn fighter. Instead of giving up, I will fight for every human being to have their rightful place in society… as equals.

Much love





Tuesday 5 June 2018

Computing in schools… a national crisis in waiting.



I’m just a working-class lass from East Leeds. I’ve had the same tough life as most of the people in my area. It is always easier to conform to what society expects – steady job, marriage, children, mortgage… I am such a disappointment to many – lost my job through illness (because it’s my fault, right?), divorced, single mother and how dare I leave my class behind to become an author and PhD student… yes this was said to me! I’ve been called a traitor to my class. It’s all so laughable when people realise why I am so passionate about this research and especially when they understand the heart of everything I do is my belief in socialism and equality, using my skills and philosophies to bring hope and opportunities for our future generations. It is not just politicians who make a difference. I don’t want a life in front line politics. I’m far too sensitive, far too caring and can not abide having to lower my principles to appease a political party.

I know my future life is in writing and meaningful research. PhD’s are not exclusive to elitism as it has been suggested to me. PhD study should absolutely be available to working class people like me who have first-hand experience of the obstacles faced by our children and future generations.

How many articles have there been recently telling us robots are going to take all our jobs? Yet, our children are being systematically let down by our Governments over the education provision of ICT and Computer Science. This is especially prevalent in areas like mine. The changes to incorporate ICT into lessons developed skills for use in industry but did not address the changing job opportunities within the technology industries. It was boring and uninspiring, very often reduced to merely how to use Microsoft packages. Computing/ Computer Science and ICT should never be boring. ICT was replaced with Computer Science in 2016 but this was ill thought out, introduced with no additional investment, leaving many of our young adults unable to access any digital, computing skills which, potentially, is a national crisis in waiting. These changes looked great on paper but have been poorly executed.

I was told at fifteen, I was not smart enough to study Computer Science but too clever to study typing qualifications. Yet, during my twenty-year career in the Insurance industry, I had to teach myself both skills. My concern is… how do we know young people are not being written off when given the opportunity, they have the potential to be leaders in these fields? We do not credit our young people with initiative; this comes from the draconian, authoritarian exam and results driven system we have in place now.

There are some amazing initiatives available to schools, but these are sporadic and costly; very much a post code or establishment lottery…even an individual teacher lottery. Some have said they will not implement the new curricula and with the withdrawal of all ICT, this would leave NO pupils receiving any computing study at examination level. The new Computer science curricula is heavily weighted to software programming at the expense of other skills and areas of the IT industry and other industries reliant on ICT. It does not allow for flexibility to reflect the constant technological advances.

Instead of enforcing Computer Science being taught using traditional methods… a square peg in a round hole scenario under current education provision, we need a national, coordinated strategy with a commitment to ensure ALL children have the necessary skills to succeed in the developing digital world, not just the ICT industry.

Current education practice and policy is not providing an environment to develop the seven skills, identified by the OECD and UNESCO, our children will need to flourish in the changing world:

1.    Critical thinking and problem solving

2.    Collaboration across networks and leading by influence

3.    Agility and adaptability

4.    Initiative and entrepreneurialism

5.    Effective oral and written communication

6.    Accessing and analysing information

7.    Curiosity and imagination

Ironically, these skills form the essence of computer science learning yet are stifled by the current practise and policies. A new way of teaching and learning requires urgent development, incorporating these key skills, flexibility, adaptability and FUN!

My PhD study initial title is:

Computer Science requires a new flexible, pedagogical approach in Secondary Schools in England to improve the engagement of young people from all backgrounds.

My study will investigate how we can deliver computing and ICT in a way to maximise our
My MSc IT initial study 
young people’s exposure to every aspect of computing. I would like to develop a modular system that provides a choice of skills and allows for different levels of learning from basic to advanced, so if you are not a Maths genius but brilliant at design, you can still develop your digital skills. Likewise, if your interest is in engineering, there should be options for this too.  Restricting only the students in the top 2 sets at  Maths to take GCSE Computer Science is not acceptable. It's lazy because we should adapt learning to increase participation.You do not have to be a mathematical genius to be a coder!!You don’t. I am not but I can code in html, php with MySQL, Python, Javascript, AJAX and I am confident enough to look and learn other languages as required. It is a matter of confidence! Little old me… if this Yorkshire lass can… we all can.

I feel incredibly honoured and humbled to have the backing of the university and will work tremendously hard to deliver the research and hopefully, make my small contribution to the future of our young people. In addition, there would be capacity for these modules and qualifications to be made available to retrain adults as pert of a lifelong learning programme.

I do need to look for funding to help me through my study… unfortunately I can’t get research council funding to study at my local university which is necessary as I am a single Mum with Meniere’s. 




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