Sunday, 16 July 2017
My blog posts are going to be a bit irregular for the next few months. I am finishing my Masters dissertation and preparing to start my PGCE in Secondary Education Computer Science which starts in September. I am doing a twelve-week knowledge enhancement course and loving every minute of it. It really helps that I am passionate about computing and ensuring our next generation of workers are not sold down the swanny, my Government who fails to plan for the future!!
Both the Masters and SKE have been a revelation for me. They have not just reinforced my passion for the subject, they have given me a much-needed confidence boost making me realise how much I already know.
When I think of ten years ago when I received that dreaded letter advising me I no longer had a job due to my illness and look at where we are now, I cannot help but smile. Yes, I have days when I think “why am I bothering” but they are usually triggered by some ignorant wally who wants to push my buttons. It works… well, until my son reminds me of how far we have come. He is absolutely right of course.
When I lost everything, I honestly thought I would never work again and be confined to the house and a life of poverty and misery. I still have days when I think I still have a mountain to climb especially when the Meniere’s takes hold and I must succumb to its demands! I know those demands will increase in time but for now I am making the most of every minute of my life – something Meniere’s taught me!
I really feel we are on the cusp of positive change. This is what drives me every day along with the huge belief the boys have in me.
This summer, we will not be going away but I have my outside office ready so we can balance my work and spending time with Lucas before he goes to High School in September. His last primary school report highlighted his kindness and consideration for others which sums his huge heart up perfectly! It seems only two minutes ago I was sending him to nursery school. Time flies by so quickly.
One thing is for sure – I am proud I have instilled resilience into the boys because goodness knows you need it with all the odds stacked against us from the minute we are born – unless of course you are born into an automatic right bloodline!!
I am still going to write whilst teaching but my ultimate goal is to achieve a PhD, to leave a legacy behind. I may not have a desire to be a politician but I do intend to change the world in my own, enchanted, if not conventional, way.
Saturday, 1 July 2017
NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!!
I have not written a blog for a few weeks. In all honesty, I have been struggling. When did the UK Establishment become such a callous and cold beast? I don’t know why I’m surprised at how poorly it has treated people caught up in the Grenfell fire. Let’s face it, the Establishment has been this nasty since Thatcher. Neo liberalism and Conservatism has turned the UK into a callous, uncaring Establishment, totally the opposite of us Brits and how we react when our communities suffer.
I don’t know how anyone can cause the death of innocent people and live with the consequences or to continue to lie. Whatever happened to personal integrity, humanity and doing the right thing? It makes me sick! But it has been like this since the 1980s. Hillsborough, Orgreave, Shrewsbury, child sex exploitation, Grenfell and others are all symptoms of a self-serving elitist bunch of politicians who do not understand what makes their own people tick. Up until Jeremy Corbyn, there was very little difference. Now we have a real opportunity to change back to ensuring the Government we select and pay our taxes to, deliver for us not for themselves.
When I became ill, there was no one there for me. The doctors took three years to make a diagnosis by which time I had lost my job, my livelihood, my self-esteem and self-confidence. Whilst I was relieved I had Meniere’s – at least I had a name for it – I had already lost everything but couldn’t claim disability due to the unpredictability of the illness. I had paid into this system for twenty plus years. I had paid all my taxes and extra on my company car and there was nothing!! The safety net did not exist!! I’d paid for something that never materialised – why are they allowed to get away with it? In the private sector, if you fail to provide the service people pay for, there are laws to protect you!
There have been times over the last few years when I’ve thought about giving up and wanted to end it all. The nasty bitches spreading malicious lies, the worry of where the next meal was coming from for the boys and the constant not knowing if I would wake up feeling ill and must stay in bed. The overwhelming feeling of uselessness and the guilt for holding the boys back from having a decent life. In reality, the boys have a great life, I know they do. We may not go away on holidays but they don’t want that. They love their home especially us spending time together, shut away from the madness of the outside world. They remind me of this every day. I love that they are home birds by choice. It means I am doing something right.
Despite feeling so low, I have never given up - because of them!
I am a fighter! I will beat the illness and the Establishment that has failed us. I am on the brink of rebuilding our lives. My Masters has gone so much better than I expected with five distinctions, two merits and just the final paper to submit. I’ve been accepted on a PGCE course to teach Computer Science and I’m waiting news on my second book. This week I started a twelve-week Skills Knowledge Enhancement course to help me with the teaching. It has been quite a revelation. I am totally out of my comfort zone but really enjoying the challenge. I hope I can inspire more children like I have inspired mine.
I’ve had a tough journey but I am not complaining. Meniere’s gave me time with the boys as they were growing up, a new career in writing and a prospect of a further career in teaching. I am one of the lucky ones but I never take for granted any one day, knowing it can all come crashing down again! Until then I am going to confront my fears head on and challenge myself to strive for a better life. My hard work is starting to pay off… again.
Meniere’s has taught me the key to a happy life is to live the life you want, with the people who matter and realise you can only influence the things you have control of - anything or anyone else are irrelevant.
The injustices of the 1980s have haunted me for my whole life – I know I am right about the corrupt, nasty Thatcher Government. Bit by bit the truth is coming out, thanks to fabulous, ordinary families refusing to let the Establishment ride rough shot over them! Anne Williams will always be my working-class hero. I am sure we will see new campaigners emerging against this Tory Government too. It is no coincidence that the greatest loss of innocent lives has occurred when the Tories have been in power!!! No coincidence at all!
It is time our ruling classes adopted our true British values displayed by the Hillsborough Justice Campaign, the families and survivors of Hillsborough, our emergency services, the volunteers that appear in times of crisis and us, ordinary decent people who want to live a community who treats every human being with value, equal importance and dignity.
Right, I’m off to do some more studying and count my blessings.