Saturday, 12 August 2017

Rehabilitation…


One thing social media has taught me is, the world is inundated with self-centred people who think everyone else’s world revolves around them. All they are concerned about are themselves and will blame anyone for their own failures to get off their backsides and go get what they want.  I am sick of hearing “oh immigrants take our jobs” from people who won’t take steps to improve themselves and they certainly will not leave their families and home countries to seek a better life for themselves. It is time to weed out the self-centred, ignorant people who do not care about other human beings. And don’t even get me started on the uneducated drivel!! Thankfully my boys will NOT be posting racist, sexist, misogynistic posts. Why? Because they have respect of other human beings and for themselves. It makes me proud to know even at eleven, my youngest is more socially aware some of the adults I encounter. It is not left wing to treat everyone equally... it is the right thing decent human beings do!!

The rise of the far right and State sponsored bigotry by Trump and May actually dances on the graves of our brave ancestors that fought the Nazis for our freedom. The irony of "patriotism"!!!

Anyway… I’m off my soapbox now.

If, on the first day I encountered the debilitating symptoms of Meniere’s disease or when I lost my career to it, someone would have told me, ten years on, I would have a first-class honours degree, a published novel, almost completing a MSc in Information Technology and about to start a PGCE in Computer Science, I would have said they were totally off their heads! But this is my life now and I am bloody loving it!!

It has been a rough journey with days out through illness but nevertheless I have persevered, gritted my teeth and fought through adversity to get where I am and hopefully, this time next year, I will have Qualified Teacher Status, teaching a subject that is so close to my heart. On top of that, I can still write my novels, screenplays and blogs. I have done this! ME! I have worked my socks off and hopefully shown the boys that you can get totally floored and get back up again and again and again. It has been a long road of rehabilitation, much longer because of silly jealous people but I knew I would never give up even if they tried to derail me. The truth is I won't give up and one lesson I have learned from Meniere's is I will hit any problem or situation head on! It doesn't matter how uncomfortable a situation is...if it needs dealing with, I will deal with it.

Lucas is away at the moment so I am working day and night to complete my dissertation. So far it is around 66 pages and rising. I love writing – whatever it is – blogging, fiction and academia. I am writing this in my break … I am off again now to continue creating. Have a fabulous weekend.

Keep going, remember my hero, Nelson Mandela’s words:

 
Source: Unknown



Much love


Wednesday, 2 August 2017

I AM FREEEEEEE….


I haven’t posted in while. You know what they say… time flies when you’re having fun… or is it just not enough time to achieve all I want to achieve in this short life especially when I’ve wasted too much time on the wrong people! It is so important for me the boys have the right guidance which I never got!

Still, I’m glad I’ve found my own way even if the path has been bumpy, hilly, curvy, led to dead ends and back again!

The last few weeks have been super hectic. I’m finishing my dissertation, taking professional skills test in literacy and numeracy, sitting a skills knowledge enhancement course in computer science, still writing and most importantly of all, supporting the boys, especially Lucas who has had a tough few weeks at the hands of adult bullies at school. Passive aggressive behaviour is abhorrent! Thankfully, he has left there now and moving on to High School. He is SO ready for it.

I feel guilty I cannot take them on holiday this summer but they tell me they’re happier at home… chilling. They’re such great kids.

One thing my past has taught me is, bullying and stigma can stay with you and affect your decisions throughout your life unless you actually break the cycle. Breaking it is extremely tough and heart breaking at times. It takes a special kind of strength but I really believe we all have it in us and if we feel we can’t do it alone, we need to seek help. It really does make an enormous difference to life – to decisions, to relationships and to self-confidence.


I’ve broken through so many barriers this year and broke another one last night! I went to a concert on my own. It was an intimate concert. In my twenties and thirties, I would go anywhere on my own but then Meniere’s robbed me of my confidence. When the concert was announced I spent the usual self- analysis of ridiculous “What if…” but ignored my own mind and followed my heart. The fear is definitely worse than the event. It did feel uncomfortable approaching the venue as if I had a huge sign above my head “single Meniere’s Mum”! Once I was inside and at the stage… I bloody loved every minute of it!

Paul Heaton and Jacqui Abbott are truly amazing artists who have got better with age yet remained totally unchanged. Paul’s music has been with me all my life – marriage, births, deaths and divorces. His music has been the constant throughout all the ups and downs. He and the BareNaked Ladies are my “go to” music when I need a pick me up – they are my comfort blanket!

It was the first time I had been to the Brudenell Social Club – what a great venue and what great staff they have. Super impressed.

So, from losing everything to Meniere’s, I am about to finish my Masters in IT, start a PGCE in Computer Science and I am finally free from all the shackles of bullying and low self-esteem, to pursue my own hobbies and interests. I am no longer afraid of what people think. I am no longer imprisoned by the self-doubts. I am totally in control once more. I AM FREEEE.

Much love