Live IT & Love IT

The more I deal with this ticking time bomb, the more I realise it is essential to keep raising awareness. Over 13 million people in the world suffer from it yet the reaction I get when I speak about it is one of “what is that?” and “well you don’t look ill”. Only my boys see me on the bad days. Time is so precious. Everyday, I spend 50-60% of my energy disguising the symptoms and fighting the disease so people don’t see its true effects. That only leaves between 40-50% of my energy to raise the boys, run the house, sort the finances, study, write and keep everything together. The hardest part of it is not knowing from one day to the next, what symptoms, what attacks, what the hell is going to happen. It is really a ticking time bomb. On a recent visit to the doctors, the doctor was talking to me and all I could think of was the old loony tunes cartoons (appropriate!) When they used to have one of those round black bombs lit and were running around with it and you knew it wa...

Enough is enough. Are we really regressing into the past world of segregation and inhumanity? I make no apology in saying that unless these attacks are directed at you, you do not personally know what it feels like.  My eldest son is mixed race. His Dad is British like me yet since Brexit, my son has suffered racism and a change in attitude towards him. I see it too when we are walking around the supermarket – the looks he gets, the disdain, the women who suddenly clutch their bags tighter, not to mention the under the breath comments.   It is repulsive and disgusting and legitimised by world leaders and politicians. He tells me how it makes him feel but I can't imagine it, just as he can't imagine how demoralising it is for me to be treated with contempt because I am female. I don't want tokenism, I want fairness and equality based upon my experience and hard work just as my son wants to be treated as the good, British citizen that he is. His patriotism is far str...

June 2018 sees me hitting my half a century! I may look it, but I don’t feel it… well some days I may!    If I think about it, it scares me because I still have so much to achieve. That’s what happens when you start late but better late than never. It drives me on even more to ensure I achieve my goals, be healthy and happy and make the boys proud of me. This year I am going to be kinder to myself. I have not had a break in fifteen years, so I am going to pursue some of my own interests while the boys are doing their thing. The first on the list is a trip to Bletchley Park. I am a little excited… NO… I am in giddy child mode! It’s been on my list to do for a long, long time. A good friend of mine, without them even knowing it, has really helped me to put the past to bed. No more looking backwards, only forwards. I am so grateful for their friendship and glad they are in my life. They inspire me to keep going. One thing I do suffer from is self-doubt. I had ...

No matter how many times I say, “that is it. I’m going to be more selfish, treat people as they treat me…” it doesn’t work. I can’t do it. I have fought my entire life to NOT confirm to the “I’m alright Jack” society. I am proud, although exhausted, to have brought the boys up to think critically about the world, to not be afraid to question things and to stand up for their own beliefs. Swimming against the tide is shattering and demoralising at times. It is easy to conform. There is a consequence to living life with humility, humanity, love, hope and decency… you will be judged, ridiculed and will, without doubt, get hurt, usually by cold hearted, selfish and manipulative people. BUT each encounter with that type of person, makes you stronger and more resilient. A survivor. I am a fighter and which, at time I am exhausted, I will never give up hope for a better world for everyone. I want to eradicate poverty, inhumanity and inequality. Now I am proud to be totally ali...

The biggest lesson I learned from dealing with bullies and narcissists, was to ensure the boys could always talk about their feelings and tell me if they had any worries, including if I was doing something wrong that was distressing them. I consciously put a full support mechanism in place without them even knowing it. As soon as they could talk, I openly asked them daily how they were feeling, had they any worries, had they had any problems if they were not with me. It became a habit they fell into and part of our automatic routine. The sweetest thing I ever experienced was Wes coming home from school when Lucas was about two or three years old and Lucas asking Wes if he had any problems today? Did he want to talk about them? So cute but proved the technique was really working. Honestly, my heart almost burst with pride. Nowadays, we all open and honest with each other… brutal at times! It is something outsiders rarely understand but it works for us and I know the boys wi...

It's such an old fashioned, ignorant term that invokes so much anger in me. I have been accused of putting my boys first… YES… shock horror… Mother puts her children first! Like that is a terrible thing! Maybe if some parents had put their children first, they could have taught them how to respect themselves and more importantly, respect everyone in society especially women. Let me break down my parenting style into very simple terms. I do, very much, consciously, put my boys and their needs first and foremost, over everything. That is my job! I brought them into this world, I am responsible for making them good citizens and I sure as hell am responsible for their physical and mental wellbeing. I am also the best person to teach them how to treat everyone with respect and equality, that starts by ensuring they have the right values for themselves. People can criticise me all they want… go ahead, have a pop! I look at the boys with immense pride and realise both c...