Kicking the F out of LiFe: My experience of Social Media – the good, the bad and the downright ugly!

Well last week was a busy old week for us. My youngest had to have some blood tests which turned out to be a farce resulting in a visit to the LGI. It is so frustrating when a full day is taken up because someone can’t do their job but that’s life I suppose.

Most of my work was editing Beyond the Lies. I must admit I am doing a hatchet job on the draft manuscript. The results are going to be awesome.

Lots of news issues this week have got me thinking – I know, very dangerous for all! I was thinking how intolerant and unsympathetic we have become. But have we? Is it that we spend too much time concentrating our efforts on highlighting the bad rather than celebrating the good? Should we not be celebrating our differences as that is what makes us all unique? Isn’t it strange how two people can read the same sentence and interpret the message in completely different, unique ways? I’m not sure ‘strange’ is the right word really. Anyway, this thought process led onto a whole series of ideas including what makes an expert and how do we know whose opinion to trust online. Yep, this REALLY is how my mind works. Most of you will know that I have experienced the good, the bad and the downright ugly on social media, especially twitter. So, I thought I would give you my take on it – warts and all.

As an aspiring author/ writer (whatever the correct job description is) social media is an invaluable tool. It has connected me to so many people and places I would never have imagined reaching. Whether we like it or not, we all seem to be drawn in to the social media circus eventually. I started using social media in 2009 after being dragged kicking and screaming into the virtual world by fellow students on my university degree. I was subjected to ironic ridicule as a computer student not partaking in this ‘new’ phenomenon. To me it seemed another marketing campaign to suck us in to buying goods and services we really did not need. Oh, how wrong I was – well maybe partly.

Now, I openly admit I was naïve back then. I expected everyone to act responsibly and be themselves. I had NO IDEA at all, people would set up bogus accounts and aliases, and to me, Trolls were the big ugly monsters that hid under the bridge in Billy Goats Gruff! And SPAM, was from a tin!!

What do you use social media for?

There are many uses and I doubt that the founders of the programs imagined they would be used the way they are. To categorise I would say these are the main uses – entertainment, debate, meeting people, business networking, business marketing, sharing information, trolling, venting and spamming.

I had no idea social media was used for business until I expanded my horizons and started writing. I thought it was all friends have a bit of a laugh with each other, which I believe Facebook, Twitter and others were intended for. I primarily use Facebook and Twitter for a number of reasons but I also used LinkedIn, Instagram, GooglePlus and Pin Interest.

If I had more time I would use others.

I do like LinkedIn but find it hard to navigate sometimes, probably time constraints are my biggest hurdle. It is a completely different experience to the other sites and I enjoy the business discussions and it is my go to site for ‘expert’ advice, although I do still check the authenticity before accepting the advice. Facebook and Twitter are my ‘entertainment-come-friends-come-networking-come-debating’ sites. Google plus I use to promote my blog.

The Good

Without doubt, as in life, there are some very genuine, lovely people on social media who are working hard to build their own business and their professional reputation. LinkedIn is by far the most professional – I’d be worried if it wasn’t! However, there are great people on Facebook and Twitter too. Lots of people I have got to know, really lift my spirits when I’m doubting myself and I have found some great sites to help with building my profile as a writer and a woman in business – some of my favourites are Jane Wilmott at Women in Business Mastermind, She Quality Matters Magazine, Wetherbyhour and Books Go Social, to name a few. These people are incredibly clever and generous with their advice and support. That is really what I love about social media – the majority of individuals I connect with provide advice and support, invaluable to anyone starting out on a new career path. By far my favourite part of twitter are the networking hours where like minded business people exchange views and ideas like #kprs #leedshour #yorkshirehour #wineoclock #promotingwomen #wetherbyhour. These are just a selection. There are lots more and are really worth a look at

Social Media is a heaven sent tool for all our fabulous charities – for raising funds and for vital awareness. Long may this aspect continue and may lots more benefit from it.

I have always said the Hillsborough disaster would not have dragged on 25 years if social media had existed back then. Freedom of speech and connecting people has massive advantages as well as pitfalls. That's important.

The Bad

Some people feel they have the right to call themselves ‘experts’, ‘gurus’, etc when really it is all only in the name. The problem with social media is anyone can call themselves anything. Caution is required. Everyone is not an expert but everyone has an opinion, whether they have the knowledge or not. It really frustrates me when Liverpool FC lose. Suddenly die hard Liverpool fans turn into enemies of the club and individual players. Why? I’m sure Shanks once said "If you can't support us when we lose or draw, don't support us when we win." On match days I stay away from Twitter! What I don’t do is force my views on other people, I don’t have the energy!

The Downright Ugly

There’s always one! Or maybe quite a few.

BEWARE – if you met people in real life and they lied to your face, were rude, racist, arrogant, ignorant and gave you a false name, would you remain friends or associated with them? Then do yourself a huge favour and save yourself from grief and BLOCK THEM online. Sadly, there are people out there pretending to be someone else, taking on alto egos and are downright rude and nasty – twittertrolls. They masquerade as people who believe their opinion is superior to everyone else's opinions and they are experts in everything especially your life. I love a good debate but it has to be intelligent and no mud-slinging. Calling someone a name because you don’t agree with them is childish and social media does bring out the worst in some people.

These are the dangerous ones. The ones that have no boundaries or standards, online or in the real world. Like in the real world, cut them out of your virtual life, the tools are there.

Very often it is not what you say but how you say it. I despise people who belittle, berate and hate people just because they can. No one has the right to throw abuse, no one! However, what I see as abuse, others see as entertainment. That, is when you know to shut them out completely. Just think about this for a moment. There are 284 million active users of Twitter, of which 23 million are said to be not human! I’ll pause there for a second at the thought of the non-human users made me laugh out loud. 58 million tweets are sent per day or 9,100 every second.

(source http://www.statisticbrain.com/twitter-statistics/).

In reality we are all a very miniscule part of a huge entity – bit like the real world. This is perspective. With that in mind, I take most things that are written with a pinch of salt unless it’s illegal, defamatory or racist then I report it. Why? Because I would in the real world. I’m not perfect, I get it wrong sometimes but I do have a standard that I live by. I recognise not everyone shares the same values or have such high standards.I'm happy to walk away from those people as I would do in life.

How I deal with Social Media

I apply the same principles to the virtual world as I do to the real world. This is the basis of the safe online training I have given to the boys, although my eight year old is not allowed on the internet unless he is sat with me. Any new programs they have, I know the passwords to them all and I do check their accounts from time to time. I trust them but don’t trust everyone else and Wes trusts me enough to not have a problem in me checking his social media.

Since the lies of the 1980s, I am very cynical when it comes to the media and the written or spoken word and I apply the same principles to social media too. Before getting on your high horse or letting something distress you, think about these:

Who is it written by? Is it opinion or fact?
Why and for what purpose was it written?
Does it really matter?

This was my only advice to the boys when they started using the internet and watching news programmes or reading articles. You need perspective. Let’s face it, one fact can be manipulated to have a completely different meaning depending upon your point of view – look at our politicians for clarification! Ultimately it is your own decision and interpretation that will decide if you let that person’s opinion be heard and be valid. That is how I read social media.

The fact is you do not know who you are talking to online. Even if you think you do, you don’t, not 100%. Someone once wrote that a spoof account had been set up in my name. It was childish and ignorant BUT it did make me worry because anything could be written in my name. That disgusts me but just shows the lows some people will stoop to. After my horrific experiences on Twitter, I came up with a survival kit.

My self preservation survival kit for Social Media

Be Yourself
Stay away from trouble
Don’t believe everything you read
Don’t believe everyone is as honest as you.
Don’t be afraid to BLOCK
Build on who you are in the real world – don’t compromise yourself
Opinion is NOT knowledge or expertise
Don't write anything you wouldn't say out loud
Report unsuitable content. We all have a responsibility.
You can’t do anything about how someone interprets what you say.
Check followers and following of the user – it really does give you an insight into their personality
Keep everyone’s intended uses in mind.
If you wouldn’t put up with it in the real world, don’t put up with it in the virtual world.
If in doubt, check it out

How do I weed out opinion from knowledge?

This is what I do, but I’m not an expert! In spite of the pitfalls, I still believe social media is a fabulous invention. I choose to be a part of the media circus and I accept some of the risks but I can reduce those risks myself.

I stay clear of any accounts with no profile pictures, hidden content or questionable content.

Check followers and following and check timelines for other posts and comments
If I like someone’s post or article, I check them out. I google them and check LinkedIn. The chances are authentic people will ensure they can be traced.
Facebook search them. I’ve found people hiding behind aliases on Twitter use the same profile picture on Facebook and their real name and real identity. BUSTED!
If they have a website or blog – check them out.
Ask them questions. Genuine people are more than happy to discuss their credentials with you.
Cautious embrace – I enjoy social media but reserve the right to withdraw!
BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK.

Remember – everyone has an opinion, few have the knowledge or expertise. Putting yourself out there will attract criticism, even ridicule BUT don’t let it dull your sparkle. There are the few that will always spoil things for the many – that’s life!

This is my experience, my perspective and my way of coping with the virtual world. I am 100% myself online and I am proud of that. I would recommend to anyone to ABSOLUTELY use social media.

I’m sure there will be experts out there shaking their heads and questioning my sanity – trust me, I question it every day!

One last thought, I hope you’re not snoring by now. I choose to live my life my way and I choose to be different. If I don’t agree with someone’s opinion, expert or not, I will challenge it but the right way. If opinions were not challenged we would not have the technology or social media we have today – I’ll let you decide whether that’s a good or bad thing!

If in doubt, check it out!!