Thursday, 9 October 2014

Menieres Madness

I live with pain every day. Some days it’s a dull ache other days it feels like my ears are going to explode. The buzzing drives me to distraction especially when trying to listen to people in crowded places. BUT the worst part of this unpredictable illness is the frustration of not being able to do the things you want or need to do.

Monday started off with me writing over 10,000 words in one day. I was so pleased with myself. I had a plan for the week after spending the weekend nursing Lucas through yet another stomach bug caught at school. The amount of letters I get home from school telling me I’ not allowed to send my child to school until at least 48 hours after any sickness yet someone must be sending their child in because my cops for it every time! Anyway I should know by now that planning a week is futile. Monday night I started to feel ill and by Tuesday morning the floors were moving. Thankfully Tuesday was a training day but instead of completing tasks, I spent the whole day laid up. The sensation of everything moving around me is truly unnerving. I can’t do anything until this phase passes. It is really depressing - the noises, the ground moving and the sickness! I have no choice but to succumb to it which is even more depressing because I’m a fighter and don’t like losing. I did try and do the ironing and managed the school uniform, just. I worry about the boys on the bad days but I needn’t do. They are so understanding and considerate.  They do like being at home doing their own thing which is probably just as well.

Wednesday was better. I thought great the ground is still so I cracked on and got lots of work done. I’d managed to get to page 402 of the sequel, promote Beyond the Past, unblock the sink, finish the ironing and do the washing. That is me taking it easy! I am so grateful the boys completely understand the illness, regrettably some adults are totally ignorant to it. I do thank my lucky stars that it could be much worse.

Today is Thursday and it’s not a good day. I have the mother of all hangovers (without drinking) and the words are jumping around the page but I don’t want to spend another day doing nothing. I want to crack on and finish the sequel. I have readers waiting for it and I want to finish it so I can start on my next project.

All I can say is thank goodness for writing because without it I really don’t know what I could do. The illness is bad enough but each time I have an episode it erodes away by self-confidence and self-esteem. It makes me feel inadequate and weak. I get so cross with myself because I can’t go at one hundred mile an hour and do everything.  It’s also bloody tough to keep going but I won’t let it beat me. I don't want your pity, sympathy or understanding, just your awareness of a disease that affects people worldwide. I was disappointed to receive some unwanted advice telling me I shouldn't discuss my illness as it would put people off and lessen my chance of finding a partner. It astonishes and saddens me that this sort of bigotry and prejudice exists. Guess what it is advice I will choose to ignore thank you.

Writing has been such a liberating experience. It’s let me work when I can’t move, it has helped me come to terms with my past and it has given me the opportunity to meet some truly fabulous people. Do I want my life to be different? NO. I’ll live with the illness if it means I can do something that I truly love.

One thing that cheers me is up is hearing the boys saying thank you for all that I do for them and both show their gratitude almost every day. Lucas is especially vocal and thanks me for being here for him – like I’d be anywhere else! It is so important for children to feel loved and supported. They need to know they live in a safe and happy environment. I believe a child is likely to be more independent if they know they have a safety net and I am theirs. I don’t believe in the sink or swim attitude of some parents – lazy parenting! It makes me laugh when they moan that youngsters are paying too much attention to the X Factor, pop stars and overpaid footballers but are unprepared or unwilling to become effective role models to their own children.

Lucas and I watched the Pride of Britain awards and we discussed all sorts during the programme. We discussed the bravery and selfless acts but we also discussed politics – yes politics with an eight year old! He wanted to know who Ed Miliband was which then started a full discussion of the parties and their ideals AND where the Queen fits into the whole process. He was brilliant and asked some very clever questions. I love spending time debating issues and discussing life with both the boys. I can see a few screwed up faces reading this BUT knowledge is power and education is not just about what is taught in the classroom. It is my responsibility to discuss life with them and ANY topic is available for discussion. It keeps me busy researching if I don’t know the answer immediately!

Author Talk

Tuesday 14th October 2014 6 -7 pm I will be giving a talk at Wetherby Library, discussing my journey as an author so far. You are all very welcome to attend this free event.
I will also be signing books. See my website for details or facebook.

You can purchase the book from :

Amazon UK  
Amazon US


The first three chapters are posted on my website to give you a taster 


New Ideas

Last week I spent some time reading other author blogs. I realise how fortunate I am to have had my very first novel published in a relatively a short space of time from completing it (just two years!). There’s lots of examples of authors writing lots of novels for decades before they even get that glimmer of hope of being published. I don’t underestimate my achievement one bit nor do I take it for granted. I am within a whisker of finishing the first draft of Beyond the Lies and I’m so happy with how it is shaping up. As a huge fan of books one thing I hate is reading a sequel that does not deliver the same punch as the first so I have taken my time in writing this one – sorry to those waiting for it but I promise you it is worth the wait x

After finishing the sequel I need to decide on my next project. Another great storyline came to me last week and I quickly scribbled the outline of it. I just can’t work fast enough at the moment. Lucas and I are still working on his first book and I have to say it is very enchanting. He is very clever.

Have a great week, what's left of it. Make the most of what you have and go get what you would like... YOU CAN DO IT! Enjoy your weekend x