Sunday, 20 September 2015

A brave new world...

This week has proven what I have been moaning on about for thirty plus years. A culture built on lies and spin results in a culture of not admitting mistakes and never, ever apologising. Yes, I am going to say it … I TOLD YOU SO! I feel vindicated on so many levels.

The underlying basis of my parenting has been respect, truth and equality. I have been ridiculed so many times for giving the boys a voice on all family matters and decisions, often being told, “They are ‘only’ children.” Actually, they are human beings who need to understand the importance of making decisions and the implications of the decisions being made. When I was growing up, I was never taught this. I have never assumed the boys automatically know how to be grown up. I really believe teaching children how to and how not to behave is a fundamental issue of parenting. It does irritate me that children are told to be independent thinkers but then chastised if their opinion is not the same as the adults!!! We have some real humdingers of arguments and debates. It is perfectly healthy and right that the children question my beliefs – it certainly keeps me on my toes!

No-one really understands the dynamics of our family unit but it is really simple – RESPECT, HONESTY, SUPPORT of each other and ourselves as individuals.When I am wrong, I tell them I was wrong and I apologise, and vice versa.

I absolutely love when Wes makes a mistake on the rugby pitch and immediately apologises for it, followed by him digging in deeper to make up for the mistake. That makes me incredibly proud, not just because he is honest but also that he understands it is not a major crisis to make a mistake. We all make mistakes but it is what we do after that counts. Your actions after the mistake define you.

I actually feel there is a wind of change in the UK and I applaud any move towards a more honest, kind world. Instead of swimming against the tide, I feel the boys are positioned well enough to take on this brave new world.

Meniere’s Madness

This week was balance awareness week, promoted by the Meniere’sSociety

I have never been more aware of my imbalance as I am at this moment. Thursday I was in church supporting Lucas’ school service and I could see FOUR of the same vicar! It is so unnerving. It didn’t help that he is a very vocal and animated chap and believes in audience participation. People throwing their arms in the air around you when you are trying to focus on a fixed part so not to fall over, is quite a challenge.

The dizziness I can cope with, just, but the hardest part of all of this is the overwhelming feeling of frustration. When it is bad, I have this huge pressure in my ears and the back of my head, the tinnitus becomes louder than the voices around me and I am so exhausted my whole body aches. Trying to maintain focus on work is tremendously hard, not just seeing the words on the page but also fighting through the ‘brain fog’. Just trying to do the day to day stuff – remembering why you are at the supermarket, why you are upstairs, why you sat at the laptop and when you have to do the school run. But then there is the overwhelming feeling of guilt and worry of struggling to financially support my lovely family. I feel inadequate which knocks my self-confidence to zero, made much harder by the lack of understanding from the world around you. It is truly a downward spiral until the fog clears and the pain subsides. It is even harder to cope without a partner but then it was hard to cope with people who refuse to understand the effects of this complicated condition.

In spite of wanting to hold my hands up and scream, ‘you win, I quit”, I can’t and I won’t! I will get through the attacks, I will get both boys through to adulthood and I will follow my dreams. Why? Because in spite of feeling totally inadequate and useless at times, I know in my heart that I am a fighter and I will leave my mark on this world!! There is always hope. So, in between the depths of dizziness and the attacks, I will continue to work towards fulfilling my dreams and ambitions.  I just have to accept there are limitations that may hinder me but won’t stop me.


One thing the illness has taught me is that I may no longer be super woman but more like super gran – well maybe not for a long time yet!! When I am incapacitated I do tend to analyse my life and if I’m honest the negativity takes over. However, one overriding factor is clear – I GET A REAL BUZZ OUT OF WRITING (no pun intended for fellow tinnitus sufferers). Whilst the financial insecurity of the day scares the hell out of me, I am glad I had no choice but to follow my dreams. I was forced into a corner and I grabbed the opportunity. It is a slow process but I am confident we are going through the hardest part now and will come out the other side happier and stronger.

The Nanny

Is progressing well and the research has been amazing. I am combining this with editing the sequel to Beyond the Past and my PhD research proposal. Yes I know I said I wasn’t going to but…





Beyond the Past

Following some expert advice, I have decided to turn this into a script. Next project after editing the sequel, the Nanny and writing blogs – no pressure like!

Have you had the chance to read it yet? Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my website
Available from:
Pegasus Publishers
Amazon UK
Amazon US
Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0


So, I was shelving this idea because I can’t get funding but then an email from the supervisor who is keen to progress, made me realise it is not a pipe dream or a stupid idea. So, I dusted the papers down and picked them up again. Actually, I love my proposal and love the preliminary research. 

It is New Computing Curricula: Corporate in Pedagogy

This is my research question, “Can the wind of change in Computing in high schools in England reach for the Cloud to achieve improved engagement, innovation and employability, offering the same opportunities to all students across the whole of the country?”

Not bad for a working class girl from east Leeds!! Subject to funding, I will be pursuing this as well as continuing to write. Only death will stop me!! Any ideas on sponsors, please, please let me know.

Well, that’s me done this week. Here’s to open mindedness and a much kinder society. 

Thank you Jeremy Corbyn for starting the road to recovery and to a new hope! I’ll be fighting with you all the way, subject to prior commitments of taxi driver, cook, mentor, supporter, teacher, cleaner, banker and all the other roles us parents take on. I hope you all will join us in the fight for a brave new world of truth and honesty.

Have a fabulous week. I’m off to junior football this afternoon. Enjoy yourselves and stay safe.

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