Monday, 28 September 2015
The invisible intruder…more like an alien invasion!
That is what best describes my latest Meniere’s attack. I thought I had seen the worst this disease could throw at me, I really did. The daily manageable pain, the occasional dizzy spells and ground moving, the days of brain fog and loss of memory. How wrong I was. The last few days have demonstrated the ferocity and unpredictability of this illness. I am going to try and put the attack into words…please bear with me as I am still in the midst of some of the symptoms.
From the beginning of last week, I felt decidedly dodgy – heavy arms and legs, sickness, occasional room spin, brain fog and absolute knock out exhaustion. As the week progressed the symptoms became worse and by Thursday I was lucky to be able to string a full sentence together. By Thursday evening I had pain in both ears, pain I can only describe as red hot daggers being stuck in them. The pain killers took the edge off the pain but did not eradicate it. I lost my hearing, particularly when I was bending down (yes it’s absolutely true!) and the tinnitus was the loudest it had EVER been. My whole body felt like a lead weight.
Friday morning I woke up and the pain had spread down from my ears into the side of my neck and my jaw. This was the worst it had EVER been. The room was spinning and my whole body resembled a piece of very dense concrete. I couldn’t function and it scared me. Now, looking back the day is a bit of a blur. I remember at one point I tried to work and ended up resting my head on the desk and closing my eyes. Another day of work and life lost.
I came around a bit at night and watched the epic Leeds Rhino’s performance which honestly did not help my stress levels. There was a time I enjoyed going and standing on the terraces and being part of the whole atmosphere. Now it’s too loud and too scary!
Saturday I woke up and my senses of smell and taste were on overdrive. My hearing, however was a bit like Norman Collier (coming and going – just in case you don’t know who he is). My memory was shot to pieces and the lack of concentration meant I couldn’t remember what I had left the room for or who I was supposed to be ringing when I picked my mobile phone up. After a couple of hours of fighting, I lost the battle and went to sleep.
Wes and I went to the shop for some fresh air. Soon I realised I was not okay. The ground was swaying. I had a major sweat on, fearing I would fall over and hurt myself or even worse, make a complete utter and total fool of myself. It is so unnerving not being able to hear every sound. It is like watching the television with mute on. I did my best to control myself but can honestly say I was terrified and incredibly HOT! Bed was calling!
Sunday, the tinnitus was loud, the sense of smell was overbearing but my head felt a little clearer. I ironed, wrote, prepared dinner and that was it…I was spent. Back to being laid up, nauseous and exhausted.
The pain I can handle but the wasted time, the frustration of not being able to do the simple things in life, let along write, is what drives me to distraction. It hurts when I lie down and I can’t stand up. For what seems an eternity, my life is in limbo. Until this invasion retreats, I feel totally useless. There is nothing more I can do other than ride it out. The trouble is very few people understand what this is like and expect you to continue at 100%, that then puts more pressure on me and prolongs the attacks.
Today I feel shaky, sore and still have the tinnitus and brain fog along with an upset stomach and being on edge. This is what it does, it unnerves you.Hopefully I have broken the back of it now and this week will be a slow recovery. It takes every ounce of my shattered energy to remain positive. It will pass…the illness will not kill me but the madness might! I have adapted and can now type without looking at the screen or keyboard and can actually write with my eyes closed!! But there is a limit to my talents and my tolerance.
This week is the Labour Party conference in Brighton. I would have loved to have been there, particularly as it has the feel of the ‘old’ style conference where there was debate and differences. That is what democracy should be about. If people have a vested interest, they should be able to have their say. Bravo to Jeremy Corbyn for stopping the apathy rot. Let’s have real debate about real issues.
Is coming along slowly but surely. I love this storyline and the characters are really taking shape. The hardest element of any character is choosing a suitable name. A bit like when you’re naming your own children. This time I named all the characters before I started. It is a total distraction introducing a new character to the script and then pondering on their name. I admit I have changed a few names a long the way but that is what being creative is all about.
Well, that is me done this week. Have a safe and happy week. Please do not take your health for granted. I did until I didn’t have it anymore.