Life goes on…

I am really struggling this week. I desperately want to leave my past behind me but I can’t do that without facing up to the s*** people put me through. I don’t want them inside my head or wasting any more of my precious time. I want to move on but anyone who has suffered psychological abuse or bullying will know it is easier said than done. I wrestle everyday with the ‘no I’m not letting them do it to me anymore’ to ‘I have to write about it to get it out of my head’ to ‘I can’t live with all of this anymore’. It affects my mood… constantly.

I used to be extra nice to them, buy them presents and treats in the hope that one day my kindness would rub off on them – that they would love me!! Stupidity comes in many forms.

It’s hard to explain to anyone who has not suffered in the hands of narcissists. I’ve decided the best way to handle it is to continue with my writing, Masters study and raising my family for now and when my Masters is over I am going to write a book about it all. In the meantime, I am going to keep a diary of things that flood back and the emotions they cause. It’s self-therapy I suppose and the fact that I know they are nothing but lying, nasty manipulators.

For now, I have to just…well…keep going and accept the wobbles, anger and tears as part of my life. On the positive side, my experiences have taught me to cherish my children, to build strong sibling bonding between them and help to mould me into the Mum I am. I was helped along the way by having great role models like Annie Williams who taught me to fight for your children against lies and bullying. A true inspiration.

I count my blessings every single day – I have the Meniere’s under control for now, my children are healthy and thriving and I have the will and determination to succeed. That’s happiness…

Master’s Study

Oh why do I put myself under so much pressure? This is tough. I have four masters’ papers to do before the end of January and one of them includes hours and hours of additional appendices. Still I keep telling myself it will be worth it!!

Writing

It’s been a busy week. Five and a half hours to fill in an Arts Council funding request and hours of editing but actually, it didn’t seem that long. I love writing and creating and feel so lucky I have the opportunity to forge a career out of it. If it doesn’t happen… well… at least I tried!

Beyond the Past

It’s hard to believe it is nearly three years since my first work was published. I was naïve back then, okay more naïve than I am now…I’m still learning the industry and my trade. I don’t mind admitting I’ve made some humungous mistakes along with way BUT I’m still standing… just.

Beyond the Past

Have you had the chance to read it yet?

Would you like to review it for me?

Read the first three chapters FREE on my
website

Available from:

Pegasus Publishers

Amazon UK

Kindle

Amazon US

Or you can order from your local bookshop. The ISBN number is : 978-1-84386-789-0

Whatever the future holds, I can only do my best and work hard. I am quietly confident my career is moving in the right direction and 2017 is going to be a very exciting and rewarding year.

Christmas Plans

We are planning an amazing festive season this year of…. Drum roll… absolutely nothing…other than jamas, board games, our favourite foods and time together. We don’t have a Christmas dinner; we eat what we fancy and drink what we like. There is no set timetable, no running around, no rules. Just as we like it.

Well, these Masters’ papers won’t write themselves. I’m off to smash them out… or die trying!!

Have a fabulous week… do what makes you happy.

Much love