Saturday, 22 November 2014

Always look at the brightside of life... even when it seems impossible

An insight into how my mind works. I was on the school run this week and passed an alleyway that was closed recently due to a dispute that resulted in a stabbing. Driving along, I started thinking what would you do if you inadvertently got caught up a crime that had absolutely nothing to do with you? Now I have three characters, a setting and a new novel outline. Who says the school runs are a waste of time!!


When I was diagnosed with Menieres in 2007 I was told it would become progressively worse. For the last seven years, it has been bearable but the episodes have been becoming more frequent and more severe. The dizziness I can cope with as it only occurs when I look up to the skies and lay down, two activities I do not do very often! This last month has been truly horrendous. The buzzing in my ears is so loud some days I find it hard to hear anything else and the pain has become unbearable at times too. In fact, some days I have used all my energy just to carry out day to day functions such as getting out of bed and maintaining a ‘normal’ routine for the kids. The pain makes me impatient, miserable and very tired.

It is not the physical symptoms that really bother me though. I am used to pain and can work through that. What bothers me is the frustration, the feeling of overwhelming uselessness and the loss of confidence. The latter is particularly difficult. I am afraid I can’t hear what people are saying to me and then I am afraid I will give them the wrong reply or appear rude and ignorant. That probably sounds totally stupid but it is true. I finally decided to go seek help and have been referred for a hearing test. It was so reassuring to have a doctor who was sympathetic and understood what I was saying. There was no strange looks or fobbing me off like before.

The trouble is when you are feeling so unwell, even little obstacles feel like mountains to climb. On Monday my car developed a fault – the spring had broken. Everything in our lives revolves around us having transport – both boys go to village schools, Wes’ academy place, Lucas’ football and that’s before we get to the day to day functioning as a family. The broken spring was a catalyst for me uncoiling – quite literally. I broke down in floods of tears. It is not the boys’ fault I have this horrible illness and I don’t want their quality of life to suffer as a result of an illness lots of people, including myself, don’t understand. Monday was a bad day, the worst I have ever had and there were times on Monday I thought I couldn’t do it anymore. People just don’t understand!!

The car was back on Monday night but is still not right. Tuesday I woke up and was determined I was going to beat this and crack on with my plans for world domination! I wrote down everything I needed to do (memory loss is a part of trying to control pain). I dropped the boys at school and had a plan of action. Why I plan anything, I really don’t know. Wes rang me at 9.30 to say he was being sent home from school because of incorrect footwear, the same footwear that had passed an inspection the day before. That one phone call, hearing Wes upset that he would miss a day’s lessons just sent me over the edge. IN A GOOD WAY. It made me realise these boys need me. I went into school and constructively confronted the teachers. I eventually got to see the head of 6th form and put our case to them. We made a brilliant team and I was so so proud of how Wes handled himself, so grown up and reasonable.

The result of that meeting was he was allowed to return to his lessons and the dress code has been changed to accommodate our sensible approach. More importantly, the student’s learning will no longer be interrupted by needless exclusions. I couldn’t be happier.

After that, my head returned from the dark place it was in. A couple of years ago I reached the last nine candidates for funding for a Phd but I didn’t get it. I started thinking I wanted to try again. This time I wouldn’t look for a Phd to fit into but would come up with my own study plan and then start looking for funding. Another dream could be fulfilled if I work hard and try. So I am going to try. I already have a subject and have started reading around the subject. At the moment I am only planning and thinking but it is doable and I can still continue to write fiction.  If I get funding I can still support Wes’ dream and do something that will benefit us all in the future. It seems a sensible win win to me.  Watch this space….

My lesson this week – life is what it is at the moment in time. Giving up is not an option so working out what will work within my limitations is my priority NOW and that challenge is exciting.

Beyond the Past

Sales are okay but not as well as I expected but I will keep plugging away. Now the sequel is written, Beyond the Lies, I need to get it edited and submitted. Once that is completed, I plan to work on making them both screenplays. When the publishers first read the manuscript of Beyond the Past, I was advised it would make a good television programme and that they would help me with that. Unfortunately I have now been told the production companies will only look at scripts. So guess what? I don’t take no for an answer anymore. I believe they will make great TV shows or even a movie and you know me by now, if it’s possible I am going to have a bash at it! One step at a time!

UK Blog Awards

I am so overwhelmed by your support for my writing and my blog. As a writer you do want validation for your work and right now you have given me that in abundance. Thank you because it inspires me to work harder and become a master of my craft.

The blog is entered into two categories:

Arts & Culture Vote Now

Lifestyle Vote Now

When you have voted you will receive an email confirmation. Please, please vote. It would mean so much to me.

Rugby League Academy

It is so exciting to be able to help Wes follow his dream to become a rugby league player. Pre-season training has started and he is buzzing. It is what he expected and much, much more. Seeing him so excited and motivated makes me very proud. He gives 100% in every session and I know that because he stinks on the journey home!!

Mr Fluffington and his Feathers

Lucas is working hard on his book project and it is great to see him channelling his imagination into a book. A chip off the old block - maybe. A bright, young, spirited child – definitely.

You see, we have so much to look forward to and so much to work hard for. The illness, twittertrolls, bullies and prejudice are insignificant in comparison to our achievements and aspirations this year and in the future.

You can beat the odds and be what you want to be if you have the drive and determination to succeed. I choose to live this life!! If I ever won the lottery we would still live this life albeit with a new car and money to support our dreams and aspirations.

It's okay to be different -

Be awesome

The first three chapters of Beyond the Past are posted on my website to give you a taster 



Lots of love 

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